....What women shouldn't wear...

So, I've heard on the radio and seen on the television what women dislike to see men wearing or what men shouldn't wear and what they should wear, so I thought on this and figured, women need a guy as well. Now, what makes me qualified to give this assessment you might ask? If you just did, you're a prick and should eat tacks, I'm a guy. Self opinionated granted, but that's my qualifications right there. I have my own opinion and for once, they're going to be aired and either I'm so fucking awesome, or full on my own shit, but by the end of this, you'll agree with me on some of these points.

The only person who looks good in red lipstick is a clown.
Ohhh, broad statement. Bite me. Basically the title says it all, but unless you're suddenly investing in whitewash, alcoholism, hepatitis and Aids, you shouldn't wear red lipstick as a fashion statement. And by red lipstick, I mean all forms of red lipstick. You can call it Revlon red , China Red or Chinese Red, Poppy, Blood Red, Candy Apple Red, Matador Red, Cherry, Really Red or Lipstick Red, guess what? it's still fucking red and you still look like you need to be in a circus. I love these product companies. Not only do they compete with each other making the exact same colours and naming them differently, but they also have some of the most screwed up names in the world. Really Red? Lipstick Red? There's a Revlon Red as well, which was shortened from Basically-we-are-going-to-bend-you-forward-and-rip-you-a-new-asshole-with-this-Revlon-lipstick-which-is-red. You want to wear lipstick, fine, let it compliment your own skin tone for fucks sake.The best person who wore red lipstick is:


Joan Rivers wished she looked this good

The muffin look worked for one person only.

Basically the Muffin look is where you go out and by hipster jeans that are skinny and also a size, if not two sizes too small for you. I see this look and have this huge urge to sharpen my butcher knife and trim the fat. Why do some people feel this look is acceptable. It's not accepted in many parts of Mongolia, having that much excess fat drooping over your belt line is a crime there. They could use that excess fat to light candles, power small energy centres or feed the hungry people of India. The Muffin look or muffin top was actually a fashion move that went wrong. In an attempt to make a woman's midriff look longer and thinner they came up with a tighter waist and lower waist to make the midriff look lean. Guess what? It failed and is now a testament that women will wear anything, no matter how insane. Don't wear jeans that are too small for you and are too low. Hipsters are fine, if they are your size, otherwise, leave the muffin look at home or I swear if I see you in the street, I will get some hot piping tea and pour it on you, because that's what goes well with muffins

You are not a rapper or gangsta.
Baggy clothes. The bane of any mans erection. You know who looks good in Baggy Clothes? Katie Holmes, but that's because she's horrifically ugly and the look is an improvement. This goes double for Joan Rivers. Basically if you don't want to have some guy turned on by you, or perhaps you wanted to not have sex with any man in the world ever, wear baggy as hell clothes, it works better than joining a convent. Don't be a rapper or gangsta, they get killed, it's true, I'll prove it to you when I see you dressed as MC No Boner again.

Stop trying to look pregnant, unless you are pregnant in which case, stop going out
Maddox said it best:

You want to look pregnant, get knocked up, it's the best and most reliable source of looking pregnant since forever, but wearing shit like this, just not on. You want us to get trim, look muscular, wear clothes so you can ogle us, guess what? we want to ogle you as well, and I don't get turned on looking at curtains, if I did, I'd have a problem at operatic productions, the movies and my grandmother's house.

Crocs are moulded shit and made from babies
Don't wear crocs. They're horrible, ugly, smell and fucking retarded. Enough said

So, five things women shouldn't wear from a self opinionated guy who's sick of being told what he should and shouldn't wear by self opinionated women.

Screw your opinion women!!

MK



PS: No, those weren't my pictures but I find when I hear some self riteous cow on the radio telling me what men should and shouldn't be wearing I do appear a lot like the first picture....