Further unsound takes on warmachine or the post formerly known as forcefield to face....

So, carrying on from one of my previous posts about Warmachine, the other force I'm looking at building is called the Retribution Scyrah.

Page 72 of the Kama Sutra, commonaly known as the Pretzel

I love how some sites or blogs start off trying to explain to the reader just who the Retribution is, quoting word for word the book. Odds are, the reason you found this post is because you either know me, or know of the game Warmachine. The funniest start I've seen is "What IS the Retribution of Scyrah?" My answer: Fucking awesome, because if they were etarded I wouldn't be fucking playing them? That's what they are. Awesome.

However, for those few who don't quite know Warmachine (shame on you!) The Retribution are the elves of the Warmachine. Pointy eared, lithe, graceful and adept with ranged weapons. Got the image of Legolas in your head. Great! Now incase him in some space like armour with plates. Oh, and a forcefield that protects them from harm. Oh right, and they don't really use bows, they have guns, and those that do have bows have the Rambo version which can blow up an army issue black ops helicopter by shooting it in the balls. And don't forget that theyre backed up by giant robots with bigger guns and massive forcefields and look like a sadist's wet dreams.



Talking of Sadists....

Oh, and then there are those that aren't armed with some sort of shooting device but instead have these huge gauntlets which allow them to move things and people around with the POWER OF THE FUCKING FORCE!!!!

So, who am I'm deciding on to lead these warriors of awesome? Adeptis Rahn

See those huge gloves of fuck-off-ness? That's what the boys who use the force have. Not only are they a great fashion accessory, but they allow you to use the force.....and completely demoralise your opponent when you donkey punch him. Those gauntlets should be standard issue to border patrol and drug officers from law enforcement, because after word gets out that body cavity searches are performed with those, there's no fucking way anyone will hide drugs up their asses! except for gay men.

He leads a force of jedi initiates, referred to as mittens because of the oversized gloves

Please use gauntlets with caution, may cause uncontrollable orgasms in gay men on sight...

These mofos use the force in small amounts allowing me to move the wanker I've just smashed in the face.....at distance?! And what does my boy Rahn do for these bad boys? He makes their force punches stronger?!

Now, back this bad boy up with one of the jedi knights:

and fuck your light side and dark side of the force, there is just straight up force, in your face, just how you like it.


Now, as per usual, you need a backup caster. For this I've decided on Lord Arcanist Ossyan. A caster who's intricate workings with the magics of the world and underlying scientific ability have allowed him to distort time and space.

That's right, this mofo is a living fucking TARDIS?!

He created a gun that basically causes a rift in space, causing objects for a small amount of time to be sucked closer to it. This mofo:

Has been nicknamed the time lord of Scyrah! Now I've got a big boner for Doctor Who and this sort of shit is a seller to me. I will eat this shit up and love it. Goodbye credit card, you will be dead after I'm done buying all the shit I want!