....Yeah, I've been screwed on more than one occasion...and not just by your Mum

I finished painting another army.

Now, you'd be correct in thinking it looks like pure awesome, but you'd be incorrect in thinking I just shot my jizz all over it. Don't get me wrong, the miniatures look awesome, but I usually just save shooting my wad all over something for your mum....or if he plays his cards right, your dad. (I'm not for or against gay marriage, and I'm jizzing on YOUR Dad, I'm not the gay one!) Either way, I feel my paint job looks pretty good and along with the display board, it looks freaking awesome, like if some sort of fictional character like doctor who were to try simple but stupid jokes...



And for his next impression, a blow up doll

Aaaaaaanyways, I had some insights, I was going to say interesting but let's be honest, this whole blog is fucking interesting like seeing some sort of virgin looking whore (read high school student) or even a more upper class whore (read college student) at the supermarket, it's the interesting that every guy becomes in any product on that aisle the said whore happens to be on


Hey, Mum & Dad.....you failed at parenting

So, I'm going to break down some sayings that appear alot in the miniature painting world:


Cutting

This isn't what you think. You don't automatically become sad and depressed when entering miniature painting. Actually, in many circles this could be seen as sexual suicide or the equivalent there of, because unless you've managed to fool someone long enough that you've become an integral part of their life like some sort of 2 foot long tapeworm, there is little chance you will find some lovely female who will look at your modelling stuff and not start laughing at you, so maybe starting miniature painting does make you sad and depressed....which explains a lot

Anyways, this is the process of clearing away flash lines and tabs from a model using a cutting device, stanley knife, clippers, modelling saw, my wit and intelligence, a light saber and in some cases, a welding torch. However, it doesn't matter what sort of device you use, you will end up looking like some try hard emo kid as invariably said cutting tool will immediately try to attack any digit it possibly can. It will bleed, and unless you're manly and awesome like me, you will cry. I don't cry, I had my tear ducts removed and inserted into a box, which I have sealed tight. They may or may not still be there....more likely not because that fucking cat was still in there and the bastard has to eat something. (fuck that bastard shrodinger)

Now, it would be cool if you managed to slice your finger off, or made the cut so deep you hit bone, or even had to have stitches, but no, it's the lite version of cut fingers, flesh wounds and superficial cuts. The diet pepsi of wounds. Even paper cuts seem worse than the type of cuts miniature painters get.


yeah, that shit needs to be amputated, preferrably just above the balls. No more reproduction of sad pussies like you

Pinning

Again, the name doesn't seem to refer to what it should be. I say pinning and there are assholes out there that think of pinning naked models to the walls, which seems stupid to me, it's much easier to jizz on their faces on a lower level, say, on the floor, still in the book or stapled to the back of some chicks head who is too ugly to look at......yep, that's why your Grandma rubs the back of her head all the time.

Anyway, this is using a small drill to drill a hole into a miniature so you can insert a metal rod into two pieces and make them less likely to seperate or break. What actually happens is that no matter the thickness of the miniature it will be difficult to start, until you get to past a certain depth, then the drill gets the same idea as a blade when cutting that it smashes it's way through the miniature like an indian curry through your digestive system and homes in on your closest digit.

Whereas cutting, slices the finger, pinning allows the drill to make a small hole in your digit not unlike the black hole that allows Roseanne Barr to continue eating. You then have to reverse the drill before you rip your finger apart like some virgin's hymen on my cock, which causes even more pain. You will cry. Like a pussy.

Yes, I said Roseanne Barr



Superglue activator

This is one of those bullshit products that assholes try to push onto you like some form of STD. Obviously some wankers have bought into the product like some pretentious shithole as it seems to have stayed the initial shiny stage.

Not only is he pretentious, he fucks your grandmother




Superglue activator is supposed to increase the rate that superglue bonds with any given objects. I have a form of this product. It's called my bare flesh. I swear to god, as soon as superglue touches any form of my skin, any other object that touches that spot is instantly bonded and will rip off several layers of skin from one finger during seperation. Some clever cock (not me sadly) took this ripped off flesh and ground it into a fine powder and added water. This shit will keep anything together, yep, add some to your parents marriage.




Happy my ass....

Superglue is the cunt of products in the miniature painting world. The bottle tries to block up, it will more often than not bond your flesh to a miniature or surprise sex your anal cavity like some jail brute. Welcome to prison bitch!

With these pitfalls, it's a wonder anyone survives the miniature painting business.....but fuck, I'm a man amongst men, this shit is my everyday

Say hi to your Dad for me

MK