Inside my skull is so fucking weird I should charge tickets for these insights...

There's a lot of things going on inside my head right, ehll, my close friends don't even know the internal struggle and conflicts that go on in my mind, the strange ideas and places I go to that seem so natural and yet, if I try to explain them, the words seem lost and I find myself sounding like some strange ass who is one tiny little step from crossing that line where on the other side I get my own lovely sweater which has the accesories to tie my arms at the back.

One thing that has amazed me today, is the definition of being social and the way people perceive a situation when confronted with it. Today I came into work, plugged in the iPad and turned my music on. Normally I won't do this until later in the day, but because of circumstances involving a specialist cracking my son's little finger making it sound like a Jew had just been married. He screamed, I hated myself for having to hold him down. As such though, I had had to leave work early on friday, like a whole 5 hours early and I had a bit of work to get through before they gave me more work (supposedly they've just realised how fucking awesome I am at doing my job they give me twice as much as most people anyways and fuck it if I'm not there, I'm getting either way!) So I needed to knuckle down and get rid of this shit faster than a bag of cocaine in Charlie Sheen's hands!

Yeah, Win this mofo!

Now, as people came into work (I start super early to do a specific job which has to be done for 6:45am, so naturally I'm first in) I was sitting there headphones and working away trying to get rid of the crap piling my work area, however, what they saw was I was locked away from them and was in a grumpy mood. It's the perception that I was grumpy which amuses me and made me realise just how social we are. Sure we have facebook and emails and texting, but all that's done for many of us is thirst for some sort of physical part of social interactions, hell, I'm to blame as well as I type a blog that just won't be read by anyone and quite frankly I also don't care but to me it's a way to interact socially. We have dozens of ways we can interact with each other but that physical aspect is ingrained in us so deeply that its that facety of social behaviour we crave the most, so much so that because I was working hard and was in my own little world, there are now a few people at my work place who think I'm angry with them that they aren't speaking to me now. That to me just shows they aren't the sort of people I would associate with. Their logic is so screwed its like Salvador Dali came along and shoved his creative juices into their senses, (by this I mean he face raped them like a face hugge from alien movies.) At what point did they think that if someone is angry with you, you should therefore STOP talking to them? That makes me angry, hell, angrier if I'm already angry with them?

Your logic hurts my head so badly!.....fuck it, I'm going Hulk on your face!

It's this kind of office politics that I just can't be bothered being involved in. Sure, I get dragged into it now and then, then I pull back from it all, realising just how stupid it all is.

What else is going on in my skull? I've recently started coaching a netball team. This probably isnt something normal for a heterosexual male. Netball is seen as a woman's game, but then, I coach basketball as well and I've played netball, I know how the ball is supposed to move, how the players should be moving, so at least running the girls on the day is easy, breaking the whole thing down to show the girls, not so much. But what's really going on? The fact I'm so protective of them. They're not my daughters, but in some way I think of them as MY girls. I stood up to the ex-coach AND the chairperson of the club for thse girls for the same reasoning, that they're my girls, and I'm to look after them.

I need to work out where this subtle shift in my thinking has come from. Like I said, I coach boys basketball, am I the same for them? Well, I suppose I am since I stay afterwards to make sure the kids are collected and nothing happens to them. I'm going to have to mull this shit over another time.

So, what else have I got on the cards? Well, got a painting I'm quarter of the way through, just need to finish off the base colouring and then start working in the shading, basically a dark brown mixed with the red-brown base then the dak brown then a bright red for the polar side of the darkparts then a straight black for shade and outline. I've also finished one unit of brettonians for the Cityguard club. I'm aiming to have it donw by the end of the year, then can hand it straight back to the club. I've also got a team together for Dreadball sitting on my table which I need to finish cleaning off the mold lines, then I can slap some paint on them, I'm going for a base colour, then a colour for the lights or under lighting and another colour to offset the other colours. I'm thinking a blue for the lights and a dark green for the offset colour and just a plain bone for the main colour.

otherwise, that's it. Holidays next week so I'm going to be able to do a lot of painting. For now, I'm off to fuck people off at work some more by doing NOTHING!

Say hi to your mum for me!