Now, for anyone who has read any of my previous posts, the assumption is is that I'm the sort of person who has no problem speaking my mind, in fact, the problem would be actually stopping me from speaking my mind on some occasions. I am opinionated and I have no problems voicing these opinions. But there are occasions when even I fall silent, where what I truly want o say freezes in my throat. That happened tonight.
So the scene, more realistic then shorthand street or any other crappy mind shitted drama. I was catching up with a friend. In my younger days, or even those people who are emotionally uneducated, would have called it a date, I'm older now, I'm more mature now, I now a situation for what it was and this was just a catchup.
However, at one point we were heading towards an eatery and she stated how excited and nervous she was going to this place as it was what she termed "naughty food" I mentally disagreed with this statement as the thought of a burger fucking me in the mouth wasn't completely a happy thought I said outloud how I was nervous coming to hang out with her. She asked why and I choked.
Now we've discussed this before, this friend and I, about past feelings and so forth. I had a crush on her when we were younger and still do now, but I'm an adult now, I can control such urges and so forth, and being an adult sucks old hairy man balls. That's why I was nervous, because I still want to prove things to her, that although I have a rough side I'm still likable, that in some way I'm still a viable choice, but ultimately this is the biggest lie. There was a brief moment when I may have been a viable choice, but looking back now I see how truly broken I was back then.
I don't even understand how I became that way. It was a decade of brokenness and shattering of dreams and realities that until the last few years I managed to crawl out of. And so now, with this friend I have one of the moments where I kind of wish I had said something. A moment of regret in a way. Logically of course it would have been a bad idea, because the awkwardness it would have caused would have ruined the rest of the night, so in a way, I'm also relieved I managed to contain my inner voice for once.
So, many will try to read between the lines of what I'm saying and quite frankly, that's fucking annoying, stop it. The main context of this post is this: Even if you love someone there is nothing wrong in my opinion to like someone else. It's the enactment upon those feelings that are the downfall. I didnt act. I'm fucking awesome. You all think so as well.
Fuck adulthood and maturity sometimes.
MK
Monday, 29 April 2013
Wednesday, 17 April 2013
And now for something completely different...
I've been playing Warhammer on and off now for around 15 years. Who knew on that fateful day when my friend Lumpy invited me along to his friends house to "play a simple little game" that he was going to introduce to me the gamers style of crack in the form of warhammer. I swear, I should have melted those god damn models down right there on the spot and made like a Disney kid star and snorted that shit up then and there and gotten it over and done with.
But no, that option wasn't available to me at the time, something about the simple fact that they weren't my models and supposedly ownership means something here, (just ask the maoris about water) and so it was that I was drawn into the drug of Warhammer and ultimately miniature wargames.
Now, I'll admit, I've never actually chosen an army to play. When I first started playing, I think it was 5th edition I orginally chose Orcs and Goblins. I mostly chose it because the boys had the book and it meant that my broke student ass didn't have to fork out for something. The orcs and goblins lasted about a year. By the end of that year I was throughly sick of animosity and low leadership which had become a recurring theme in my games. I suddenly felt like Gilligan. Stuck on an island and the closest action I was getting was from the fat captain. I wanted off that fucking island!
So it was that I dropped them and not so broke I picked up the next book the boys had and some miniatures for. Dwarfs. Now some people will point out just how terrible a move this was. If Warhammer was a mix of drugs, where the most intoxicating armies are the worst of a drug style world, Dwarfs would be counted around a light shandy area. Dwarfs are the non-alcoholic beer of the drug world of warhammer. But, and this is the important part, we already had the book and enough models to field two thousand points of forces. All it needed was painting.
Now, this is the shit that drags me in everytime. Painting. I'm full of myself, granted, I love what I do and how I do it and painting and art, that's what I'm so fucking great at I could rub my balls against a canvas and create a master piece. So when I heard something needed painting, like a fucking masochistic Austrian I proceeded to gather my equipment and see what sort of crap I could pull out of my awesomeness which if anyone knows me, is my penis.
And so I started painting. Then a new edition came out and so I purchased the new book. 3 years later I had managed to quadruple the size of the dwarf army along with the help of my friend Blom who was also addicted to this shit and was snorting it all up like it was going out of fashion and there was nothing better todo then make like a red headed actress.
I started playing dwarfs and became quite good at it to the point I started a horde style army before hordes were even known, proving that I was so great that even designers of games I played wanted to be like me. But the kicker is, I never wanted to actually play them. They were there. They were easy, like your Mum, but they weren't what I desired to use, again, like your Mum. It was the painting that did it for me and so I finished them off, stepped away, placed them on a shelf to gather the dust while I flipped the bird and proceeded to go find another army to rape.
That's when my friend Blom kicked in. Like I said, he was like a drug addict in a pharmacy and a doctor had signed a whole script book for him. By the time I had completed the dwarf army he had amassed enough models to field a sizeable Wood Elf army. Don't fucking roll your eyes at me! Beggars can't be choosers. If I was desperate enough to beg and live on the streets, if some asshole with a fake toupe came and asked me to suck his cock in the street for a dollar, well, I'd be gobbling on that wankers cock faster than he could say, "You're fired!"
So, I started painting the Woodies. It took a year on and off because I have this whole life thing that keeps getting in the way of things and during that year I took the woodies to a tournament or two and played with them as regularly as I could. I found that after the first few games, that what I should do is bend forward and touch my toes after applying lube to my rear exit. It makes the shafting just so much easier.
And so, I have become disillusioned with Warhammer as a game. Look past the huge price rise within the southern hemisphere. Look past Games Workshop trying to completely monopolize miniature wargaming and failing. It's the static fundamentals of the game that just seem to completely make me flaccid.
Warhammer to me has always been explained as a number of forces gather armies and vie for position upon a board and try to outnumber key elements and capture the board itself. That's how I've always envisioned it.
I've had arguments with people before about the so called great tactics of the Warhammer game. They explain chaff. I then advise the way to beat Chaff is with shooting or other chaff. The game then breaks down into this stupid idea of small scouting forces baiting each other. This makes my above vision not only wrong but completely irrelevant. Perhaps it's the so called meta of NZ, with the sudden inclusion of so much chaff.
They then state the movement tactics, I then state that movement is fine, I have a movement army and if I really wanted to, I could NOT engage in any sort of combat for the entire game. I could continue to bait and weave and shoot at my foes. I'm not going to win. I may be able to pull out a draw and my opponent is going to look at me and stab me in his mind. That shit hurts. Movement doesn't really account for shit, especially since all movement will really do for you is make you look like a prick and eventually you will have to charge. This is the real problem. All the units that can have this great movement ability, that can dance and weave, are about as strong as wet paper bag.
Then there is what I call the Auto Includes. Certain armies have them and I dislike them. A level 4 wizard so you can 6 dice roll spells which completely changes the whole meta of the game. I dislike that I feel the need to try to include a level 4 wizard. Fuck your auto includes, it's making my game rubbish for having to add it in.
So, I haven't thrown in the towel of warhammer fantasy as a game, but I dare say the next army I play, which at this point is looking to be Warriors of Chaos, may be my last warhammer army. The crap rule system, the non existent tactics in many cases is just not making the game appealing to me at all. I've been looking at other and better games (This is my opinion and as stated somewhere bfore, should be your opinion)
Anyways, Fuck you warhammer
MK
 |
|
What every little girl should
aspire to. Crack whore
|
Now, I'll admit, I've never actually chosen an army to play. When I first started playing, I think it was 5th edition I orginally chose Orcs and Goblins. I mostly chose it because the boys had the book and it meant that my broke student ass didn't have to fork out for something. The orcs and goblins lasted about a year. By the end of that year I was throughly sick of animosity and low leadership which had become a recurring theme in my games. I suddenly felt like Gilligan. Stuck on an island and the closest action I was getting was from the fat captain. I wanted off that fucking island!
So it was that I dropped them and not so broke I picked up the next book the boys had and some miniatures for. Dwarfs. Now some people will point out just how terrible a move this was. If Warhammer was a mix of drugs, where the most intoxicating armies are the worst of a drug style world, Dwarfs would be counted around a light shandy area. Dwarfs are the non-alcoholic beer of the drug world of warhammer. But, and this is the important part, we already had the book and enough models to field two thousand points of forces. All it needed was painting.
Now, this is the shit that drags me in everytime. Painting. I'm full of myself, granted, I love what I do and how I do it and painting and art, that's what I'm so fucking great at I could rub my balls against a canvas and create a master piece. So when I heard something needed painting, like a fucking masochistic Austrian I proceeded to gather my equipment and see what sort of crap I could pull out of my awesomeness which if anyone knows me, is my penis.
And so I started painting. Then a new edition came out and so I purchased the new book. 3 years later I had managed to quadruple the size of the dwarf army along with the help of my friend Blom who was also addicted to this shit and was snorting it all up like it was going out of fashion and there was nothing better todo then make like a red headed actress.
 |
|
Living
the dream
|
That's when my friend Blom kicked in. Like I said, he was like a drug addict in a pharmacy and a doctor had signed a whole script book for him. By the time I had completed the dwarf army he had amassed enough models to field a sizeable Wood Elf army. Don't fucking roll your eyes at me! Beggars can't be choosers. If I was desperate enough to beg and live on the streets, if some asshole with a fake toupe came and asked me to suck his cock in the street for a dollar, well, I'd be gobbling on that wankers cock faster than he could say, "You're fired!"
 |
|
No no
no! Use your teeth more when you're bobbing on my man meat!
|
So, I started painting the Woodies. It took a year on and off because I have this whole life thing that keeps getting in the way of things and during that year I took the woodies to a tournament or two and played with them as regularly as I could. I found that after the first few games, that what I should do is bend forward and touch my toes after applying lube to my rear exit. It makes the shafting just so much easier.
And so, I have become disillusioned with Warhammer as a game. Look past the huge price rise within the southern hemisphere. Look past Games Workshop trying to completely monopolize miniature wargaming and failing. It's the static fundamentals of the game that just seem to completely make me flaccid.
Warhammer to me has always been explained as a number of forces gather armies and vie for position upon a board and try to outnumber key elements and capture the board itself. That's how I've always envisioned it.
I've had arguments with people before about the so called great tactics of the Warhammer game. They explain chaff. I then advise the way to beat Chaff is with shooting or other chaff. The game then breaks down into this stupid idea of small scouting forces baiting each other. This makes my above vision not only wrong but completely irrelevant. Perhaps it's the so called meta of NZ, with the sudden inclusion of so much chaff.
They then state the movement tactics, I then state that movement is fine, I have a movement army and if I really wanted to, I could NOT engage in any sort of combat for the entire game. I could continue to bait and weave and shoot at my foes. I'm not going to win. I may be able to pull out a draw and my opponent is going to look at me and stab me in his mind. That shit hurts. Movement doesn't really account for shit, especially since all movement will really do for you is make you look like a prick and eventually you will have to charge. This is the real problem. All the units that can have this great movement ability, that can dance and weave, are about as strong as wet paper bag.
Then there is what I call the Auto Includes. Certain armies have them and I dislike them. A level 4 wizard so you can 6 dice roll spells which completely changes the whole meta of the game. I dislike that I feel the need to try to include a level 4 wizard. Fuck your auto includes, it's making my game rubbish for having to add it in.
So, I haven't thrown in the towel of warhammer fantasy as a game, but I dare say the next army I play, which at this point is looking to be Warriors of Chaos, may be my last warhammer army. The crap rule system, the non existent tactics in many cases is just not making the game appealing to me at all. I've been looking at other and better games (This is my opinion and as stated somewhere bfore, should be your opinion)
Anyways, Fuck you warhammer
MK
Sunday, 14 April 2013
Some people bring me close to breaking my "Not-killed-anyone" record....
I hate general statements, but this post is making me use one. It's ok, I've come to terms with this by using this blog post as a whore. Not just any whore but a whore who has been brutally slaughtered just minutes before I had my way with her, I've paid my money, I'll get my product bitch! she is also a horse.
Try that disturbing picture. Bestiality AND Necrophilia. It's an amazing scene and should be written down.....but Stephanie Meyers has already shit out that and served it on a silver platter for women everywhere to eat up. Don't get me wrong, the storyline itself was fine (yes, I've read the Twilight series!) but the actually writing, the structure, the vocabulary, was like some alien cockroach being shoved into my brain. Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahn!
So, the statement? Some people in this world suck and are douchebags. (You will fall into this category at some time. I do as well, but I'm so fucking awesome I don't count. You do. Stop being suck! Unless it's my cock you're aiming for)
These people fail at being human, for instance:
NZ Drivers
Another general statement, but screw it, this post is going to be full of them, like I'm full of awesome, and by logic since I spread awesome by jizzing on people, the fact these general statements are coming out is by jizzing on readers....admit it, you like that.
The things that piss me off here is the following too closely. So closely it's like I'm all for fucking gay marriage that the only way you could get further up my ass is with some lube and beware if I brake too quickly or that motherfucker is going to plough the rear of my car like I'm a Thai Lady boy.
Indicators. Use them, they're not optional.
When people assume I'm fucking Charles Xavier and can read their mind, sweeping in the lane in front of me like their popeye arm has suddenly had a spasm from jerking off too much, ensuring that my leg has to knee jerk so I don't rape the back of your car with mine, that annoys me. Don't do that. I will fuck you in the mouth. With my car. Use your indicator, it's not a fancy little lever on the side of your steering wheel, it has more use then as a tool to practise fellatio on.
Impatience. Well done fucker, edging forwards continuously saves you a whole second! You managed to change lanes at the lights and gain another second retard? well done! With all this time you'll be able to do......nothing, because you're a fucking douchebag. Oh, and as for those fuckers who go right to the end of lane that is ending on the motorway because the traffic is going slower then normal? Yeah, asshats, you are the reason traffic is going slower as you try to squeeze into the non-existent gap at the end. People like you probably lie on their tax returns, steal from charities and sleep with their own mothers, who have been dead for 15 years.
There are licensing rules for a reason. So that the amount of suck and stupid you spread into the world is minimized. Maybe if we start removing safety labels Darwin's laws can kick in and futire generations can be saved from such absurdities as yourself. Better yet, go pick yourself up a Dodge Ram 1500 which has had the worst assessments for side, rear and front impact crashes and a high rolling rate. It's a lot like your girlfriend who gets a lot of rear impacts from me as I roll her over to a more pleasing position, one where I can't see her face.
Fuck your stupid driving
MK
Try that disturbing picture. Bestiality AND Necrophilia. It's an amazing scene and should be written down.....but Stephanie Meyers has already shit out that and served it on a silver platter for women everywhere to eat up. Don't get me wrong, the storyline itself was fine (yes, I've read the Twilight series!) but the actually writing, the structure, the vocabulary, was like some alien cockroach being shoved into my brain. Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahn!
So, the statement? Some people in this world suck and are douchebags. (You will fall into this category at some time. I do as well, but I'm so fucking awesome I don't count. You do. Stop being suck! Unless it's my cock you're aiming for)
These people fail at being human, for instance:
NZ Drivers
Another general statement, but screw it, this post is going to be full of them, like I'm full of awesome, and by logic since I spread awesome by jizzing on people, the fact these general statements are coming out is by jizzing on readers....admit it, you like that.
The things that piss me off here is the following too closely. So closely it's like I'm all for fucking gay marriage that the only way you could get further up my ass is with some lube and beware if I brake too quickly or that motherfucker is going to plough the rear of my car like I'm a Thai Lady boy.
 |
Indicators. Use them, they're not optional.
When people assume I'm fucking Charles Xavier and can read their mind, sweeping in the lane in front of me like their popeye arm has suddenly had a spasm from jerking off too much, ensuring that my leg has to knee jerk so I don't rape the back of your car with mine, that annoys me. Don't do that. I will fuck you in the mouth. With my car. Use your indicator, it's not a fancy little lever on the side of your steering wheel, it has more use then as a tool to practise fellatio on.
 |
|
Hey
kids, if you jerk off everyday, you can get arms like this too!
|
There are licensing rules for a reason. So that the amount of suck and stupid you spread into the world is minimized. Maybe if we start removing safety labels Darwin's laws can kick in and futire generations can be saved from such absurdities as yourself. Better yet, go pick yourself up a Dodge Ram 1500 which has had the worst assessments for side, rear and front impact crashes and a high rolling rate. It's a lot like your girlfriend who gets a lot of rear impacts from me as I roll her over to a more pleasing position, one where I can't see her face.
Fuck your stupid driving
MK
Sunday, 7 April 2013
....Yeah, I've been screwed on more than one occasion...and not just by your Mum
I finished painting another army.
Now, you'd be correct in thinking it looks like pure awesome, but you'd be incorrect in thinking I just shot my jizz all over it. Don't get me wrong, the miniatures look awesome, but I usually just save shooting my wad all over something for your mum....or if he plays his cards right, your dad. (I'm not for or against gay marriage, and I'm jizzing on YOUR Dad, I'm not the gay one!) Either way, I feel my paint job looks pretty good and along with the display board, it looks freaking awesome, like if some sort of fictional character like doctor who were to try simple but stupid jokes...
Aaaaaaanyways, I had some insights, I was going to say interesting but let's be honest, this whole blog is fucking interesting like seeing some sort of virgin looking whore (read high school student) or even a more upper class whore (read college student) at the supermarket, it's the interesting that every guy becomes in any product on that aisle the said whore happens to be on
So, I'm going to break down some sayings that appear alot in the miniature painting world:
Cutting
This isn't what you think. You don't automatically become sad and depressed when entering miniature painting. Actually, in many circles this could be seen as sexual suicide or the equivalent there of, because unless you've managed to fool someone long enough that you've become an integral part of their life like some sort of 2 foot long tapeworm, there is little chance you will find some lovely female who will look at your modelling stuff and not start laughing at you, so maybe starting miniature painting does make you sad and depressed....which explains a lot
Anyways, this is the process of clearing away flash lines and tabs from a model using a cutting device, stanley knife, clippers, modelling saw, my wit and intelligence, a light saber and in some cases, a welding torch. However, it doesn't matter what sort of device you use, you will end up looking like some try hard emo kid as invariably said cutting tool will immediately try to attack any digit it possibly can. It will bleed, and unless you're manly and awesome like me, you will cry. I don't cry, I had my tear ducts removed and inserted into a box, which I have sealed tight. They may or may not still be there....more likely not because that fucking cat was still in there and the bastard has to eat something. (fuck that bastard shrodinger)
Now, it would be cool if you managed to slice your finger off, or made the cut so deep you hit bone, or even had to have stitches, but no, it's the lite version of cut fingers, flesh wounds and superficial cuts. The diet pepsi of wounds. Even paper cuts seem worse than the type of cuts miniature painters get.
Pinning
Again, the name doesn't seem to refer to what it should be. I say pinning and there are assholes out there that think of pinning naked models to the walls, which seems stupid to me, it's much easier to jizz on their faces on a lower level, say, on the floor, still in the book or stapled to the back of some chicks head who is too ugly to look at......yep, that's why your Grandma rubs the back of her head all the time.
Anyway, this is using a small drill to drill a hole into a miniature so you can insert a metal rod into two pieces and make them less likely to seperate or break. What actually happens is that no matter the thickness of the miniature it will be difficult to start, until you get to past a certain depth, then the drill gets the same idea as a blade when cutting that it smashes it's way through the miniature like an indian curry through your digestive system and homes in on your closest digit.
Whereas cutting, slices the finger, pinning allows the drill to make a small hole in your digit not unlike the black hole that allows Roseanne Barr to continue eating. You then have to reverse the drill before you rip your finger apart like some virgin's hymen on my cock, which causes even more pain. You will cry. Like a pussy.
Superglue activator
This is one of those bullshit products that assholes try to push onto you like some form of STD. Obviously some wankers have bought into the product like some pretentious shithole as it seems to have stayed the initial shiny stage.
Superglue activator is supposed to increase the rate that superglue bonds with any given objects. I have a form of this product. It's called my bare flesh. I swear to god, as soon as superglue touches any form of my skin, any other object that touches that spot is instantly bonded and will rip off several layers of skin from one finger during seperation. Some clever cock (not me sadly) took this ripped off flesh and ground it into a fine powder and added water. This shit will keep anything together, yep, add some to your parents marriage.
Superglue is the cunt of products in the miniature painting world. The bottle tries to block up, it will more often than not bond your flesh to a miniature or surprise sex your anal cavity like some jail brute. Welcome to prison bitch!
With these pitfalls, it's a wonder anyone survives the miniature painting business.....but fuck, I'm a man amongst men, this shit is my everyday
Say hi to your Dad for me
MK
Now, you'd be correct in thinking it looks like pure awesome, but you'd be incorrect in thinking I just shot my jizz all over it. Don't get me wrong, the miniatures look awesome, but I usually just save shooting my wad all over something for your mum....or if he plays his cards right, your dad. (I'm not for or against gay marriage, and I'm jizzing on YOUR Dad, I'm not the gay one!) Either way, I feel my paint job looks pretty good and along with the display board, it looks freaking awesome, like if some sort of fictional character like doctor who were to try simple but stupid jokes...
 |
Aaaaaaanyways, I had some insights, I was going to say interesting but let's be honest, this whole blog is fucking interesting like seeing some sort of virgin looking whore (read high school student) or even a more upper class whore (read college student) at the supermarket, it's the interesting that every guy becomes in any product on that aisle the said whore happens to be on
Hey,
Mum & Dad.....you failed at parenting
Cutting
This isn't what you think. You don't automatically become sad and depressed when entering miniature painting. Actually, in many circles this could be seen as sexual suicide or the equivalent there of, because unless you've managed to fool someone long enough that you've become an integral part of their life like some sort of 2 foot long tapeworm, there is little chance you will find some lovely female who will look at your modelling stuff and not start laughing at you, so maybe starting miniature painting does make you sad and depressed....which explains a lot
Anyways, this is the process of clearing away flash lines and tabs from a model using a cutting device, stanley knife, clippers, modelling saw, my wit and intelligence, a light saber and in some cases, a welding torch. However, it doesn't matter what sort of device you use, you will end up looking like some try hard emo kid as invariably said cutting tool will immediately try to attack any digit it possibly can. It will bleed, and unless you're manly and awesome like me, you will cry. I don't cry, I had my tear ducts removed and inserted into a box, which I have sealed tight. They may or may not still be there....more likely not because that fucking cat was still in there and the bastard has to eat something. (fuck that bastard shrodinger)
Now, it would be cool if you managed to slice your finger off, or made the cut so deep you hit bone, or even had to have stitches, but no, it's the lite version of cut fingers, flesh wounds and superficial cuts. The diet pepsi of wounds. Even paper cuts seem worse than the type of cuts miniature painters get.
 |
| yeah, that shit needs to be amputated, preferrably just above the balls. No more reproduction of sad pussies like you |
Pinning
Again, the name doesn't seem to refer to what it should be. I say pinning and there are assholes out there that think of pinning naked models to the walls, which seems stupid to me, it's much easier to jizz on their faces on a lower level, say, on the floor, still in the book or stapled to the back of some chicks head who is too ugly to look at......yep, that's why your Grandma rubs the back of her head all the time.
Anyway, this is using a small drill to drill a hole into a miniature so you can insert a metal rod into two pieces and make them less likely to seperate or break. What actually happens is that no matter the thickness of the miniature it will be difficult to start, until you get to past a certain depth, then the drill gets the same idea as a blade when cutting that it smashes it's way through the miniature like an indian curry through your digestive system and homes in on your closest digit.
Whereas cutting, slices the finger, pinning allows the drill to make a small hole in your digit not unlike the black hole that allows Roseanne Barr to continue eating. You then have to reverse the drill before you rip your finger apart like some virgin's hymen on my cock, which causes even more pain. You will cry. Like a pussy.
 |
|
Yes, I
said Roseanne Barr
|
Superglue activator
This is one of those bullshit products that assholes try to push onto you like some form of STD. Obviously some wankers have bought into the product like some pretentious shithole as it seems to have stayed the initial shiny stage.
 |
|
Not
only is he pretentious, he fucks your grandmother
|
 |
|
Happy
my ass....
|
With these pitfalls, it's a wonder anyone survives the miniature painting business.....but fuck, I'm a man amongst men, this shit is my everyday
Say hi to your Dad for me
MK
Monday, 1 April 2013
Play with my food? I'm having a debate with the bastard!
Cracked.com is a sexy sexy procrastinating beast. If it were a real tangible thing, and actually a sexy beast, not only would I be looking for a way to meet it, but looking for a state where beastiality is not only legal, but encouraged.....like Hamilton, or the US version, Arkansas.
Now that we've got the picture of me making sweet sweet love to some sort of exotic animal (emphasis on exotic, I live in NZ so can sleep with all manner of farm animals, I want a change of pace for MY mental images thanks) Cracked had me thinking yesterday. One of the recent articles I've read was fantasy worlds people would like to live in and why it would suck.....well, I think that's what it was called?!
So, the premise is, a fantasy world, like the marvel universe, which people think would be cool to live in, but then they point out that it would be bad to live in said universe, because there are only 3,000 heroes and 6 billion people at least in the world, which means you only have a 1:60,000 chance of having super powers and would instead, more likely be a normal pleb whose car just got thrown at the army tank by a rampaging hulk, and you have to call the wife that you're going to be late home.
So, one of the worlds they brought up was Disney's world of singing and dancing. Where the good guy always wins and the bad guy gets what he's deserved (which to me sounded like the bad part because there is little chance I'm one of the good guys.) Anyways, the bad point they pulled up was that in a world where everything is alive and sings and talks, when it comes to dinner time, it makes it that much harder to eat something that an hour ago was singing along with you to the latest tune from Elton John, (which I believe involves a hidden penis......and not just in the movie if you know what I mean! If you don't I mean that Elton John is going to ass rape you for fun. Hide that penis sparkly man!)
So I started thinking about this. The implications of eating Lucy Lamb who only a couple of hours ago was dancing and singing, admittedly, I didn't care, lamb is lamb dude, and cooked just right with some mint sauce....anyways, green peace type groups might have a problem with my eating of a sentient life form. Then again, going vegan wouldn't help as many inanimate objects in the disney world suddenly spring to life and sing in perfect harmony. So, I thought, what if we get these singing and dancing animals and objects to sleep with their own siblings. This would cause the increase of retarded children. mutant type animals and objects that wouldn't dance and sing. It would be that fine line of sentient life in my opinion.
Then I started thinking, well, in many movies, whole groups of animals and objects don't talk or sing, but act like normal animals, take birds for instance, none of THEM sang to Belle. So there must be whole pockets of the world that animals wouldn't sing or dance. Would the same peace groups boycott the eating of said non-talking livestock? Would the talking ones start their own group to boycott?
Then I started thinking about the non-talkers were in fact just actors and actresses, minor non talking parts, which brought me to a whole new way of looking at the world as one like ours, but where everything was alive.....I kind of freaked a little, I think my TV was looking at me funny....
anyways, MK out.
Now that we've got the picture of me making sweet sweet love to some sort of exotic animal (emphasis on exotic, I live in NZ so can sleep with all manner of farm animals, I want a change of pace for MY mental images thanks) Cracked had me thinking yesterday. One of the recent articles I've read was fantasy worlds people would like to live in and why it would suck.....well, I think that's what it was called?!
So, the premise is, a fantasy world, like the marvel universe, which people think would be cool to live in, but then they point out that it would be bad to live in said universe, because there are only 3,000 heroes and 6 billion people at least in the world, which means you only have a 1:60,000 chance of having super powers and would instead, more likely be a normal pleb whose car just got thrown at the army tank by a rampaging hulk, and you have to call the wife that you're going to be late home.
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So, one of the worlds they brought up was Disney's world of singing and dancing. Where the good guy always wins and the bad guy gets what he's deserved (which to me sounded like the bad part because there is little chance I'm one of the good guys.) Anyways, the bad point they pulled up was that in a world where everything is alive and sings and talks, when it comes to dinner time, it makes it that much harder to eat something that an hour ago was singing along with you to the latest tune from Elton John, (which I believe involves a hidden penis......and not just in the movie if you know what I mean! If you don't I mean that Elton John is going to ass rape you for fun. Hide that penis sparkly man!)
So I started thinking about this. The implications of eating Lucy Lamb who only a couple of hours ago was dancing and singing, admittedly, I didn't care, lamb is lamb dude, and cooked just right with some mint sauce....anyways, green peace type groups might have a problem with my eating of a sentient life form. Then again, going vegan wouldn't help as many inanimate objects in the disney world suddenly spring to life and sing in perfect harmony. So, I thought, what if we get these singing and dancing animals and objects to sleep with their own siblings. This would cause the increase of retarded children. mutant type animals and objects that wouldn't dance and sing. It would be that fine line of sentient life in my opinion.
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I would
eat this mofo with Horse radish, or maybe some sort of thousand island sauce!
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Then I started thinking, well, in many movies, whole groups of animals and objects don't talk or sing, but act like normal animals, take birds for instance, none of THEM sang to Belle. So there must be whole pockets of the world that animals wouldn't sing or dance. Would the same peace groups boycott the eating of said non-talking livestock? Would the talking ones start their own group to boycott?
Then I started thinking about the non-talkers were in fact just actors and actresses, minor non talking parts, which brought me to a whole new way of looking at the world as one like ours, but where everything was alive.....I kind of freaked a little, I think my TV was looking at me funny....
anyways, MK out.
....What women shouldn't wear...
So, I've heard on the radio and seen on the television what women dislike to see men wearing or what men shouldn't wear and what they should wear, so I thought on this and figured, women need a guy as well. Now, what makes me qualified to give this assessment you might ask? If you just did, you're a prick and should eat tacks, I'm a guy. Self opinionated granted, but that's my qualifications right there. I have my own opinion and for once, they're going to be aired and either I'm so fucking awesome, or full on my own shit, but by the end of this, you'll agree with me on some of these points.
The only person who looks good in red lipstick is a clown.
Ohhh, broad statement. Bite me. Basically the title says it all, but unless you're suddenly investing in whitewash, alcoholism, hepatitis and Aids, you shouldn't wear red lipstick as a fashion statement. And by red lipstick, I mean all forms of red lipstick. You can call it Revlon red , China Red or Chinese Red, Poppy, Blood Red, Candy Apple Red, Matador Red, Cherry, Really Red or Lipstick Red, guess what? it's still fucking red and you still look like you need to be in a circus. I love these product companies. Not only do they compete with each other making the exact same colours and naming them differently, but they also have some of the most screwed up names in the world. Really Red? Lipstick Red? There's a Revlon Red as well, which was shortened from Basically-we-are-going-to-bend-you-forward-and-rip-you-a-new-asshole-with-this-Revlon-lipstick-which-is-red. You want to wear lipstick, fine, let it compliment your own skin tone for fucks sake.The best person who wore red lipstick is:
The muffin look worked for one person only.
Basically the Muffin look is where you go out and by hipster jeans that are skinny and also a size, if not two sizes too small for you. I see this look and have this huge urge to sharpen my butcher knife and trim the fat. Why do some people feel this look is acceptable. It's not accepted in many parts of Mongolia, having that much excess fat drooping over your belt line is a crime there. They could use that excess fat to light candles, power small energy centres or feed the hungry people of India. The Muffin look or muffin top was actually a fashion move that went wrong. In an attempt to make a woman's midriff look longer and thinner they came up with a tighter waist and lower waist to make the midriff look lean. Guess what? It failed and is now a testament that women will wear anything, no matter how insane. Don't wear jeans that are too small for you and are too low. Hipsters are fine, if they are your size, otherwise, leave the muffin look at home or I swear if I see you in the street, I will get some hot piping tea and pour it on you, because that's what goes well with muffins
You are not a rapper or gangsta.
Baggy clothes. The bane of any mans erection. You know who looks good in Baggy Clothes? Katie Holmes, but that's because she's horrifically ugly and the look is an improvement. This goes double for Joan Rivers. Basically if you don't want to have some guy turned on by you, or perhaps you wanted to not have sex with any man in the world ever, wear baggy as hell clothes, it works better than joining a convent. Don't be a rapper or gangsta, they get killed, it's true, I'll prove it to you when I see you dressed as MC No Boner again.
Stop trying to look pregnant, unless you are pregnant in which case, stop going out
Maddox said it best:
You want to look pregnant, get knocked up, it's the best and most reliable source of looking pregnant since forever, but wearing shit like this, just not on. You want us to get trim, look muscular, wear clothes so you can ogle us, guess what? we want to ogle you as well, and I don't get turned on looking at curtains, if I did, I'd have a problem at operatic productions, the movies and my grandmother's house.
Crocs are moulded shit and made from babies
Don't wear crocs. They're horrible, ugly, smell and fucking retarded. Enough said
So, five things women shouldn't wear from a self opinionated guy who's sick of being told what he should and shouldn't wear by self opinionated women.
Screw your opinion women!!
MK
PS: No, those weren't my pictures but I find when I hear some self riteous cow on the radio telling me what men should and shouldn't be wearing I do appear a lot like the first picture....
The only person who looks good in red lipstick is a clown.
Ohhh, broad statement. Bite me. Basically the title says it all, but unless you're suddenly investing in whitewash, alcoholism, hepatitis and Aids, you shouldn't wear red lipstick as a fashion statement. And by red lipstick, I mean all forms of red lipstick. You can call it Revlon red , China Red or Chinese Red, Poppy, Blood Red, Candy Apple Red, Matador Red, Cherry, Really Red or Lipstick Red, guess what? it's still fucking red and you still look like you need to be in a circus. I love these product companies. Not only do they compete with each other making the exact same colours and naming them differently, but they also have some of the most screwed up names in the world. Really Red? Lipstick Red? There's a Revlon Red as well, which was shortened from Basically-we-are-going-to-bend-you-forward-and-rip-you-a-new-asshole-with-this-Revlon-lipstick-which-is-red. You want to wear lipstick, fine, let it compliment your own skin tone for fucks sake.The best person who wore red lipstick is:
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| Joan Rivers wished she looked this good |
You are not a rapper or gangsta.
Baggy clothes. The bane of any mans erection. You know who looks good in Baggy Clothes? Katie Holmes, but that's because she's horrifically ugly and the look is an improvement. This goes double for Joan Rivers. Basically if you don't want to have some guy turned on by you, or perhaps you wanted to not have sex with any man in the world ever, wear baggy as hell clothes, it works better than joining a convent. Don't be a rapper or gangsta, they get killed, it's true, I'll prove it to you when I see you dressed as MC No Boner again.
Stop trying to look pregnant, unless you are pregnant in which case, stop going out
Maddox said it best:
Crocs are moulded shit and made from babies
Don't wear crocs. They're horrible, ugly, smell and fucking retarded. Enough said
So, five things women shouldn't wear from a self opinionated guy who's sick of being told what he should and shouldn't wear by self opinionated women.
Screw your opinion women!!
MK
PS: No, those weren't my pictures but I find when I hear some self riteous cow on the radio telling me what men should and shouldn't be wearing I do appear a lot like the first picture....
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