The end of the Dwarfs......

So, like a catholic priest I've touched on every unit in the Dwarf book (the analogy works! They're small like children! I'd apologise to my catholic friends if I offended them, but I don't have any......friends that is, I play Dwarfs?! what do you exoect?) So all that's left in the book is the runes and the new entry, Heirlooms.

I'm not going to go through every entry, I'll just bring up some of the more interesting changes I've noticed, since going through every rune is not only tedious, but also pointless as I wont be using some of the runes.

Heirlooms

Hammer of Karak Drazh. +3 initiative is ok I suppose. An Initiative 7 lord is amusing. However, I7 doesnt help that much when the enmy still has their armour saves (let alone their ward saves) to get through. I doubt I'll use it

Magnificent armour of Borek something....2+ save and a 3+ ward against attacks of S6 or higher. It's ok I guess, but I can get almost the same effect with less points. I can get a 4+ ward save for 15 points less.

Fiery Ring of whatever...get the hint I'm not impressed with the heirlooms? This one however gives a S4 breath weapon for cheaper than the runes later on. I probably still wouldn't get it.

Banner of lost holds. Reroll all failed rolls to wound. This one is actually useful, but for the cost, it means only the Battle Standard Bearer can use it. I'm not sure about that however. I most likely won't be taking it.

Runes

The runes havent changed very much. STill the same rules, Rune of pride, rune of three rune of form and so on. What has changed is that taking multiples of the same runes can only be taken on some of them. The prices increase per level of the rune, which I think is well thought out, and each level usually adds something different. What I'll do is just throw some runes out that I found interesting

Master rune of Snorri....(weapon)You always hit on a 2+. Now this is important as you can add more attacks, or increase your strength more. I do like this one, and for a low 25 points, you can fit this on even champions if you want

Master rune of Swiftness....(weapon) If you really want to hit first, this helps. Hasnt changed since the last book, but I've used it certain situations, but with the change in shieldbearers and armour runes, this may not be used much at all.

Rune of fury.  (weapon) level 1 you get +1A. level 2 you also get frenzy and level 3, after every sucesful initial hit, you get another attack. I like level 1. Level 2 gets risky because of the frenzy ability and level 3 is like an upgraded version of the vampire one. I will more than likely just take the level 1 stage though.

Rune of cleaving. (weapon) Level 1 grants Armour Piercing. Level 2 adds +1 S and level 3 gives you killing blow. so level 3 you're killing blow, have +1 S and armour piercing. All up, 65 points. I might look more at just using the level 2.

Rune of might. (weapon) You double your strength against T5. Level 2 you also cause D3 wounds. I like this one. I liked it back in 6th edition I think it was. I've scared Bloodthirsters with the threat of this rune. I'll probably take it again.

Rune of parrying. (weapon) An interesting idea. Like a Nurgle Mark, but its only one model in the army. I dont think it'll be used, but the concept was nice.

Rune of fortitude. (Armour) Level 1 is +1T. Level 2 adds a 5+ ward save. level 3 adds a 2+ ward vs multiple wounds and reduces it back to 1. The level 3 I would see on a Runelord on an anvil. Otherwise, I like the level 1 on a Lord with some more synergies like....

Rune of Iron. (Armour) Level grants +1W. Level 2 adds +1T and level 3 adds regeneration. Now, a level 2 rune of Iron and level 1 rune of fortitude you have +2T and +1W. Put this on a lord on Shieldbearers you suddenly have a T7 lord with a 2+save and 6W?! Great weapon on him. and 3 runes of warding, he also has a 4+ ward save.

Rune of shielding. (Armour) 2+ ward save vs shooting and magic missiles. This one is a must for a rune lord on an anvil, but otherwise, I wont use it.

Master rune of Stromni Redbeard. (Banner) This has dropped in points. Enough so that a unit of hammerers can take it. It adds +1 combat resolution for this unit and every unit within 12" It's like having the Battle Standard Bearer ability on the table again. I like it, I may take this and see what changes it does for my list.

Master rune of Valaya. (Banner) Again, a drop in points. It adds a +2 to dispel attempts. This is how the Dwarfs start being anti magic again. I probably wont use it, but the reduced cost warranted a mention

Rune of battle. (Banner) Level 1 is +1 Combat Resolution. level 2 is +2 Combat resolution. Level 3 adds fight in extra ranks. I like what the 3rd leel adds, but because of the cost, it can only be taken by a BSB. Id say the rune of battle will be seen on the field, wether as an add on to bypass the Rule of Pride or on its own.

Rune of Sanctuary. (Banner) Each level adds MR, so level 3 is MR3. It's a good low price at the final level at 45 points, so I'd say this will come on the field now and then as well. I'd look at it using a gunline.

Strollaz's Rune. (Banner) Strollaz has become a legend. THis rune gives the unit the vanguard ability. This rune alone changes the Dwarf tactics and gives the aggressive build a good chance. At 35 points you can give it to even the lower units. Add a rune of Sanctuary for 15 points, even special units can take it. I'd say variants with this rune will become predominant on the table now for aggressive builders. Put me in that faction. Even gunlines might want to use it to get those Irondrakes down a flank and shooting easier. This rune is definately one of the stars of the book.

Master rune of balance. (Talisman) This used to be you took one of your opponents power dice and gained a dispel dice. Now, that only happens on a 4+. I like the change.

Master rune of passage. (Talisman) You dont need to make dangerous terrain tests. Model AND unit. Throw in some vanguarding Strollaz's and you may be able to catch your opponent off guard, and at a low 10 points, its a nice fill in rune.

Rune of warding. I mentioned it before, but each level 1, 2 & 3 increases your ward save, so by level 3, you have a 4+ ward save. This is the only rune that adds a 4+ general ward save. Yes, there are some that are 3+ if situation A happens or 2+ if situation B happens, but this ward is the only true ward save and at 45 points max, I'd say this is going to be in there somewhere.

Rune of Spellbreaking. (Talisman) read, Dispel scroll. level 2 turns it into a spelleater scroll. It's going to be in almost every force. I'm going to nut up one day and take a Dwarf force with one or even none.

Rune of penetrating. (Engineering) It used to be taking 3 of these added +3S to your warmachine shot. 3 does nothing now. level 1 adds+1S. Level 2 lets you reroll any failed rolls to wound once per battle. Id say the level 1 will be taken, but maybe not so much the level 2. The points could be well spent somewhere else.

Rune of accuracy. (Engineering) This one will be there on the Organ at least. effectively giving you a BS of 4. add in an Engineer and it's a BS of 5, meaning at beyond 15" the Organ gun is hitting on 3s and at short range its hitting on 2s. brutal.

Rune of forging. (Engineering) If you take a warmachine (except bolt throwers), you're taking this on them if they can take them. Potentially averting a misfire makes the Dwarf artillery more reliable than any out there.


I think thats it. Hey, I'll be nice for once and thank you for reading me verbally spew my thoughts out. I've at least one mistake, but that's cool, I'm sure I've made lots more. So, what sort of list am I taking? well, I'm an old Dwarf player, and the interwebz, well, Pete Dunn's side of it says that means I'll more than likely be taking a gunline. I HATE gunlines. You shoot and watch as your opponent out maneuvres you and multi charges you and wipes you off the table. No, I've always thougt movement and choosing where the battle is going to be is what makes the Warhammer game and so, I'm taking an Agressive army with a little mixed arms.

I'd look at a large unit of Longbeards and Hammerers as my hammer, both vanguarding. Id look at one or 2 units of miners, 2 minimum units of rangers and maybe some irondrakes. I havent worked out if I want them yet. 4 Gyrocopters with 2 vanguarding. topped off with a lord on shieldbearers that has more stat increases than you can throw a cat at. a runesmith for armour piercing and some other shenanigans and a thane BSB tooled for defense. Everything is up off the deployment zone before the games even started proper.

anyways, that's it. The Dwarf book as I see it.

say hi to your Mum for me

MK

Naug kirma enque. (Dwarfs part six) That's elvish, which is pretty......rare?

Pure gold at the end there, though I think the excution was a little far fetched.

anyways, with the move of rangers from core to rare, we now have more rare choices then we do core. There's a few changes here and the only new units weigh in here, so.....

Organ gun
same points, same stats.

So, what changed? The organ gun is now a ballistic skill based weapon. It used to be a roll of the artillery dice and you automatically hit any 1 unit within range that many times. Now, you roll TWO artillery dice and can potentially cause that many hits depending on a ballistic roll. This can cause a possible maximum 20 shots at S5 with armour piercing. The range also increased from 24" to 30" Now, the change works nicely I felt. With the ballistic skill roll, you get a -1 penalty if over half range, so 15" and with ballistic skill of 3 on the crew, this does mean that at some units you may need a 6+ to hit them (longe range, skirmishing). However, you can mitigate this as well. Taking an engineer increases the BS able to used from 3 to 4. You can also take runes on the organ gun now up to 50 points, one of them being +1 to hit. So at the long range you may only need 3+ now (you can see why the change of the Engineers BS wasn't that bad, having him at BS 5 would make the organ gun way too broken)

Since you're rolling 2 artillery dice for number of hits, you also need to roll misfire on BOTH dice to suffer a misfire. This makes the organ a stellar warmachine choice for the dwarfs. Its now twice as reliable when rolling the dice and you can rune it up?!

I'd say this will be seen on the table. I'd even look at taking it for a mixed arms force and not just a gunline.


Flame cannon
same points. same stats

So, one major change here is that it can runed up as well. 50 points, but this is better than what it used to get, which was nothing. It's also changed the way it shoots. It's now a fire thrower, so you place the tear shaped template at the end of it and roll the artillery dice and move the template that distance. You can also perform a supercharged shot where you can place the template up to 12" from the end of the cannon then roll the artillery dice. It used to be the cannon just did the super charged attack.

I'm not sure there's not that great a change for the flame cannon to see it anymore on the table.


Rangers
2 points more. same stats

So, this was a big move, and to be honest, I cant say yay or boo about it. I'm just unsure because I'm not too sure how I'm going to be building my list. I may still use them, but as a small chaff unit to hold up the enemy vanguarding units.

Anyways, for the same amount of points you now have all the tools. You get throwing axes, great weapons, heavy armour, scouting and dwarf crossbows. The crossbows werent an option previously, so really, you're getting crossbows for 1 point per model, which is a bargain and a half?!

Like I said, I'll probably look at a small unit of these as chaff or march blockers.


Irondrakes
Brand new

This is the first of the new units that the Dwarf book has been gifted. Now these boys have special rules oozing out of every pore. so lets try and break them down.

They have forge-proven gromril armour. this gives a 4+ save in combat and a 6+ ward save. It also confers a 2+ ward save against flaming attacks. This is interesting as Irondrakes are one of the few "infantry" units in this army that cant take a shield that could possibly use them, so they cant gain the parry save that is prevalent through out the rest of the army, however, their ward save can be used outside of combat as well.

They come armed with a Drakegun. Now, this has a semi short range of 18" (short compared to most of their war machines and other shooting units) it has a S5 shot that is armour piercing. Its dwarf crafted, so no penalties for standing and shooting, its quick to fire, so you can always stand and shoot. Oh, it also has flaming attacks. Now, whats interesting here is that unlike the other shooting units, its NOT move or fire. You can effectively move 3" and shoot it's 18" giving it a threat range of 21". Combined with a simple Strollaz rune which grants the unit vanguard (I'll touch on runes in the next post) you can effectively have a first turn threat range of 33"

Now, there are some other options for the unit as well. Your champion, called an Ironwarden can take cinderblast bombs, same as the Ironbreakers champion. These are the stonethrower template boms with a very short range of 2-8".

He can also replace his gun with a brace of pistols, basically a short range pair of mini drakeguns OR he can replace it with a Trollhammer Torpedo. A rocket launcher that has a range of 24", a S8 multiple wounds D3 flaming attack that is slow to fire, which means he cant stand and shoot.

I'm personally liking the thought process behind these guys and I'm thinking of taking that vanguarding unit and smashing it into the face of my opponent in the first turn then holding back and shooting them in their eyeholes.


Gyrobomber
New unit

This is the 2nd new unit we were gifted with. So what is it? its an upgraded gyrocopter, but isnt included in the maximum amount. Because its an upgrade however it gets a Clatter gun which is a 24" S4 multiple shot (4) weapon which is Dwarf crafted (no penalty to stand and shoot) quick to fire (can always stand and shoot) and armour piercing. Like its little cousin, marching is going to stop you from shooting, and it suffers a -1 penalty to shoot multiple shots. Also like it's little cousin the Gyrocopter, it has a 4+ armour save.

What most people will be taking the bomber for however, is the bombing ability. Unlike the Gyrocopter, the Gyrobomber can drop more than the one bomb in a battle. It still acts the same, dropping a bomb on a unit it passed over during the movement phase. Where it differs however is that you place the large 5" template anywhere over the unit and scatter as per a stonethrower. It's only a strength of 3 (6 in the center) that is armour piercing and causes D3 wounds for each wound caused. It can then bounce and explode again using the small template if you roll a 4+ after resolving the first explosion. This secondary explosion scatters like a stonethrower as well and has the same strength as the first explosion. Of course, if you roll a misfire on the first roll, bad things can happen.

Again, this unit is relebntless, so you're looking at being able to march at all times if you want to with this unit, but again, you cant march and shoot.

I dont mind this unit. I'm not ecstatic about it, it seems like you dont want to move it as far or as fast as the Gyrocopter, it also doesnt vanguard, however, like many, the thought of having a potential 8 fliers on the table makes me grin, though the player in me definately doesnt see this being a viable list at all.

I'll reserve judgement after I've tried it a few times.

Dwarfs he rima. You've just learnt some nz Maori. Do you feel......special?

I'm brilliant I am with those subject titles. Some famous comedian should come and pay me for my material. I'd have said someone like Chelsea Handler, but if you look, I stipulated comedian, or the requirement to be funny.

So, enough of making fun of people who think they have talent....

I'd say, the special choices may be where you'd need to make some hard choices. You have twice as many entries as core, and quite frankly, depending on your choices, it could define your entire army build. Again, leveling of points for generic additions means that your musicians went up in points, but, your standard bearers and champions went down in points, GW getting rid of some of the stupid prices and rounding to a whole number if possible.

Hammerers
+2 points each. +1 attack

Huh. This unit actually makes some sense fluff wise now. Hammerers are supposed to be the most elite warriors in the army and giving them that extra attack has just reinforced that. So, we have great weapon (S6) guys who now no longer need a lord or thane amongst them to be stubborn. What they have got is, if the dwarf General is in the unit, ANY model can issue or accept challenges. This just reinforces the protecting the general fluff they have going for them. I have to say, I think GW thought this unit through and implemented it well.

They also have more options. If they take a designated champion, he can take a runic weapon of 25 points value. This opens up a lot of options, always hitting on a 2+? Or maybe another attack? Ability to get to S10? And he comes with base 3 attacks?!

The unit can also take a runic banner of up to. 75 points in value. 75 points gives a lot of options for the unit in general. Either way, I'd say you might see a lot of these units hitting the table.


Ironbreakers
+1 point cost per model. +1 leadership

Again, I'm impressed with GWs thought process here. Ironbreakers are the main guards of the lower tunnels. The best gromril armour to better defend against the skaven and green skin incursions deep in the under dark. The extra point of leadership cements the fluff, showing how these stoic defenders can operate independently of the general. They also have access to a runic banner of 50 points, again, giving more options. They also always have shieldwall up. They don't need to be charged to have a 5+ parry save.

They've increased the equipment options as well for the champion. He can take cinderblast bombs, which, if he hasn't marched are a small template with a range of up to 8" treated as S3 stone thrower. It can misfire, but only the result of a 1 gives bad news. His other option is Drakefire pistols. Now, it's almost easier to list the rules these pistols DONT have. So, 12" range, dwarf crafted so no negative for standing and shooting, armour piercing, S5, 2 pistols, so 2 shots, flaming attacks and quick to fire, so no matter how close the enemy is, you can stand and shoot. Man, that's a whole lot of rules. You can also use them in close combat at your own strength with an extra attack. Now, this may seem like an optimal choice, but you have to get rid of your shield which means you no longer have the parry save option and your armour save drops by 1 to a 4+. Its nice to have the option, but I dont think its the best option for your champion.


Miners
1 point less per model. same stats

So, none of their rules really changed at all. I'd say, if you took these in the last book, you're more than likely take them in this book. In fact, with some of the runes and combos you can bring to bear now, You're probably more likely to take them because of their synergies.

It's now more viable to take an agressive Dwarf force that's in your face near turn 2. By turn 2, bringing on Miners (they're ambushers) you can threaten a lot of their warmachines and back lines early on, those this style of gameplay to me sounds a little like a win big/lose big type of force.

The cluster mines have also been amended from a flat rate of 30 points per unit to 2 points per model. The may see a little more use, but with only a 4" range, (10" threat range if you include their march) they may not be very useful. I'd see them more as a charge reaction with the quick to fire option.

I'll probably still look to running a small unit or two of these guys.


Slayers
+1 point per model. same stats

So, this unit is the one I've had the most discussion on. For the extra point per model what do you get? wel, you get deathblow, which means you get to perform one more attack per model killed. However, you lost the increased strength on attacks if you need it. You still wound on a 4+ no matter what, but you cant up the strength.
Slayers also get slayer axes, which means that before a combat they can choose to have an extra hand weapon or a great weapon. Unless its low armour save infantry, I cant see why Id want to take an extra attack at S3? and the deathblow doesnt benefit from the extra hand weapon, so it looks like my build with them is great weapons, and unless I run into a huge toughness opponent, my 4+ special rule is suddenly useless.

One bonus is that the unit can take a runic standard worth 50 points. It helps add some options to the unit.

Slayers are still all the same special rules however, so you can take any amount of champions who get an increase in attacks and strength, which still makes me want to take great weapons on them, theyre still also unbreakable. I'll probably look at a unit of 10 just to push a daemonslayer or dragonslayer into the combats I want him. I dont expect them to survive at all, but the 10 help try and survive any missile attacks that they may attract. Id say that a large unit of slayers are going to suffer from the better choices that you see in other books.


Cannons
30 points more. same stats

DO you see that? SAME stats. There was a huge stir on the interwebz about the rumour that Dwarf cannons were only cause D3 wounds per wound. However, the stats stayed the same. It might change in 9th edition, but we're still in 8th, so who cares right now right?

So, for 30 points more, what did we get? we lost the engineer option. All he ever did though was let you reroll on the misfire chart. So to lose that ability theyve charged us 30 more points. 120 points doesnt seem too high to be honest though. I could bitch about a higher costing, but it actually goes in line with some other warmachines. Yes, they may be able to do a little more, skull cannons, iron blasters, but with our runes, we can make our warmachines more reliable, and its the makeup of those runes that will make all the difference.

If I go the way of artillery train, I'll take 1 if not 2 cannons still. It's going to be a matter of army build though.


Bolt Thrower
10 points more. same stats.

So, we lost the engineer option here as well, and it's here that we might feel the pinch. Previously, an engineer had a higher ballistic skill, which could be used instead of the crews. It can still take runes, and again, this is where there might be another pinch. The rune of penetrating if taken multiple times in the old book allowed an increase of strength by 1 per rune, making your bolt throwers S9. Now, if you take 2 runes of penetration, you get +1S and can reroll any failed rolls to wound once per battle.

Again, if I'm looking at a full artillery train, I might take one or 2 of these depending on the restrictions.

I'd say that you'd see as many of these on the table as the previous book


Grudgethrower
same points. same stats

They lost the engineer option like above (same option as the cannon) and suffer from the same penetrating rune nerf as the bolt thrower. Stone throwers are still useful though, and I'd say although there may be less of these coming out on the table, they wont completely disappear


Gyrocopter
60 points less. same stats

There's a lot of buzz about these now. They used to be a rare choice but are now a special choice. They're a very low cost for what they can do. You can take a maximum of 6 gyrocopters in a normal sized army and you can pay for half of them to vanguard.

They come with a steam gun which uses the tear template which is S3 with a -1 save as it's armour piercing. You can look at changing this to a brimstone gun. This gun has d3 shots, S5, armour piercing, dwarf crafted, so no -1 penalty when standing and shooting, quick to fire so can stand and shoot as a reaction no matter how close the opponent and flaming attacks with a range of 18". I'd say this is a personal choice. I can see how both guns can be useful, depending on the situation. Since you can take up to 6, you could mix and match them.

Gyrocopters can, once per battle drop a bomb on a unit it has flown over in the movement phase. This hits automatically at S3 and causes an artillery dice roll number of hits.

Lastly, and something I think is vital to the performance of this unit. Gyrocopters are Relentless. This means they don't need to test to be able to march, they can just march. this means you have a 20" flyer every movement phase. This has huge movement potential, especially for an army that has such low movement. You cant however, march and shoot your gun

Now, on a NZ tournament scene, there's been a restriction on flyers per army and I'd say this may easily be the case for the Dwarf book as well, however, I'm going to try to use as many as I feasibly can. I'm thinking 4. The reason for this is the double flee tactic. With 3 of them, I can double flee and setup a steam shot and have one more spare. I can also work the double flee tactic on more than one unit, or more than one flank. I can also see using them to clear out chaff, something the Dwarfs have a lot of problems dealing with.

Out of all the units in the book, I'd say you'd see a big increase in these on the table.

Dwarfs pt 4. A guide to Dwarven yoga and working your core...

See what I did there? That people, is called comedy gold. Appreciate it!

So, there were a few changes in the core section of the Dwarf army list, 2 of them significant changes. Again, the leveling of the costs means that all the musicians went up in price, not a big deal at all, either way, just a breakdown I suppose:

Warriors
Same cost. Same stats

There was no real change what so ever in this unit. This may in fact cause it's downfall or use as you'll see shortly in this post. They're a solid unit, don't underestimate them by any means, WS 4, T3 troops at such a low cost is no laughing matter, but, like some of the other books that came out last year, this unit may just suffer from better choices syndrome. You also lost the ability to upgrade them to scouts.


Quarrellers
Cost +1 point more. Same stats

I think their name is silly. It reminds me of 2 couples always fighting over silly little things. Working all day to put food on the table and then to hear her go on and on about.....

I digress. So, for an extra point cost, what do we get? Heavy armour. This is pretty nice. A 5+ save with an option of buying shields at the same cost you get a 4+ save shooter with a 5+ parry save if they get charged. Still a solid choice. Their crossbows are Dwarven made, so that means they don't suffer a -1 penalty when standing and shooting either, which is always helpful to possibly picky off a couple more chargers. However, they might also suffer from the better choice syndrome.


Thunderers
2 points less. Same stats

So, they're now the same cost as the quarrellers above. So what's the difference? Well, Dwarf handguns are Dwarf crafted, so don't suffer the -1 penalty for standing and shooting. They lost the +1 to hit at short range but kept armour piercing. They have heavy armour as well, with the same option of shields, and both can't move and fire. So, why would you take quarrellers over Thunderers? Quarrellers can take great weapons. They can shoot their S4 bolts when being charged then hit with S5 great weapons. I think this is a matter of choice though. You could take a runesmith and slot him in with the quarrellers to give them armour piercing, which would level the playing field with the Thunderers, but that seems an inefficient option to me. Personally, if I want some static gunners, I'd more likely go the Thunderers.


Longbeards
+1 point cost. Same stats.

This is one of the bigger changes in the core section. Longbeards are no longer an upgrade of warriors. You also no longer have to have an equal amount of warrior units to field these old timers. So, what do we get from these bad boys? They're immune to psychology now instead of immune to panic. This is both a boon and a curse. No psychology affects you, but you also can't opt to flee from a charger. As per the last rules, you can reroll panic tests failed within 6" of the unit. Another thing to note, is they can take a magic standard worth up to 50pts.

It's the above factors that I think may make the warriors obsolete on the table. Sure Longbeards are 4 points more, but you get the same options as Warriors, you get better rules, and +1 WS and +1S. ANd the banner choice, that could be very handy as you'll see later.

In all, core didn't really change that much. You still have your static shooters, you still have blocks of infantry choices but the other major change here is the loss of rangers as core, having been moved to rare. I'm not too sure how I feel about this just yet.

Dwarfs Part 3, or a guide on using beard hair to pick out the Dwarf meat from between your teeth...

HEROES

What you'll notice is that the heroes wont change too much from the Lords on their sypnosis. There's more of a change in the extra items you can take, but more often than not you may not be taking these items, wether runing them up or just not needing them. Either way:

Thane
Same price. +1 Leadership

That last point could easily make the Thane the go to 8 out of 10 times. less than half the price of the Lord you get a leadership 10 model. At 65 points I cant think off the top of my head any model in the game that can boast that same stat (go on smart ass, name some! be warned, I'll more than likely just ignore you) Now, admittedly, everything else he could take has gone up in points except a shield. You're most likely taking one of these as a battle standard bearer, but the question will be, will you take him over the Lord choice? The Lord gets that beautiful shieldbearer choice which the Thane doesn't. Both can go on Oath stones, it's a matter of the stats you're giving up to take a thane as a general. 1 less Weapon skill, Wounds, Attacks and Initiative, but you save 80 points? you could bring another Thane for that amount? in fact, you could bring a naked BSB for that amount?!

What might happen is the Dwarf bus. Lord on shieldbearers tooled to kill everything and a thane on an oathstone tooled to withstand damage. I'd say that the Thane is a very strong choice. Like lift weights with their manhoods strong. Big weights.


Runesmith
10 points less. same stats

Again, the changes that happened to the Runelord, happened to the Runesmith as well. Interestingly, he gives the unit he is in Armour Piercing as well, though he only grants Magic Resistance 1. I still think he is a good choice. The shield option went up by a point, but again, this wasnt a bad thing. With the lowered Anvil, I'd say you'l see a lot more Runesmiths around than Runelords, at least in my lists. Magic Resistance 2 is nice, but I think the main reason I'll take them is the dispel rune and the Armour Piercing gift, which a Runesmith can do just as well.


Dragonslayer
20 points more. same stats

Again, the slayer characters are the ones that increased the most in points. So what do you get here? You deal d3 wounds per wound. Now, lets couple that with the slayer stuff. You now always wound on a 4+ if you needed a higher amount, though your strength doesn't increase because of this, so your opponent still takes saves at your base strength. You're unbreakable, have no save and can switch between an additional hand weapon or great axe before at the start of a combat. You also now get Deathblow. When you die you get 1 free attack back. With slayers this may not do much, but with the Daemon slayer, this may help drastically, it's one more chance to cause D3 wounds to that multi wound creature.

Although these make okay snipers or speed bumps, I think the attempt by GW was to have them in the units now. A daemon slayer backed up by 10 slayers means even if they take the charge, they are still guaranteed 11 deathblow attacks, one causing d3 wounds. The points increase though maybe something that stops the lone dwarf torpedo speed bump from not being taken. Like I said, if the Daemonslayer got this AS WELL as making them rerol sucessful ward saves, would make the Lord choice much more viable.


Master Engineer
Same price. 1 less ballistic skill

That last one may have been the one nerf the Dwarfs didn't want. Don't get me wrong, it's more balanced now, especially since there is now one more thing that would like that higher Ballistic Skill. All his items have gone up in points. This impacts him more than the other heroes and lords as he'd be more likely to take handguns or pistols.

His special rules have pretty much stayed the same as the last book and I could still see him being used, but that depends on your build. A nice new addition is that if he is within 3" of a warmachine he can take a look out sir roll, which can make a big difference since warmachines are harder to wound.

All in all, I'm not too sure how much you'll really see of the engineer. It depends on wether you're going to war machine train it, in which case an engineer or two would be perfect, but if you're only taking the one (depending on the one) whether youd take him at all.

Dwarfs 2.0, guide to taking your own toys off

LORDS:

The biggest changes here, and one that I'm not unhappy with, is the balancing of item points. In the previous book, what cost 10 points for the lord choice, cost 6 points for the hero, so seeing a constant price was a good change. This means that a lot of the choices for the heroes went up a couple of points, but this wasn't a bad thing.

Dwarf Lord.
No change in points or stats.

Some mundane items dropped in price like the handgun and pistol, but these are to me at least, suboptimal choices for your lord. Others stayed the same, shields, great weapons blah blah blah (let's be honest, a lot of these things you won't even be getting unless its the great weapon or shield, remembering he benefits from the increased parry save when he's charged and +1 Strength when charging.)

The biggest changes both game wise and points wise are the oath stone and shield bearers. The stone went down by 5 points. Oath stones allow your unit to never be disrupted, you can use your parry to the flanks and rear,can not flee as a charge reaction and must always issue a challenge for the character on it. You lose the magic resistance 1 that you got in the old book, you no longer have to set the stone and if you end up fleeing and rallying later, you dont lose the stone, for those who get the reference, it's like a raven familiar in many ways.

The other big change are the Shieldbearers. This went up 15 points. However, for that you get 2 S4, Ws5 attacks, your character gets +2 to their armour save (and with a shield means you're at a 1+ without magic items) and he gets 2 wounds?! And, he still gets to make a look out sir roll! The only change from the previous book is you get 2 more wounds. For 15 more points, I'm quite happy to have those 2 extra wounds thanks!

Depending on your play style will depend on what you want to do here. If you are looking for more help for your unit, take the Oath stone. The anti-disruption means you'll always count your ranks and the parry to sides and rear are always helpful. The flipside is you may want to take a tank character who can have a good save or ward save as you have to challenge and without the character, you lose the oath stone benefit. The Shieldbearers to me give you more of a nasty outfit. You can of course still do the jammy crap 2 wide stubborn unit with the shield born Dwarf in the front that never moves anywhere (see units later)


Runelord
20 points less but same stats.

All the extra equipment stayed the same points wise. It's the special rules around these guys that have changed significantly. Every Runelord grants the unit he is with Armour Piercing, he grants magic resistance 2 to the unit and he can channel dispel dice like a wizard. He no longer generates dispel dice himself though.

This is a big change. It's not exactly a bad change, I feel the MR2 and AP add a lot to your units (put him in a unit of hammerers and watch as they have the potential to rip apart 1+ save model.) What it means is that with the innante dispelling of the Dwarfs, you're no longer this magical black hole anymore. Even the runes you used to get are toned down a little. It means you have to actually think about what spells you need to dispel, those you can let go, and those you want to let go and dispel in your magic phase. If you think this is crap and you want to quit the Dwarfs because, go for it. I like this change, it means you have to learn to play better, suck it up short round!

The Runelord can also come in on an anvil. It's 5 points less than what it used to be. But, it's also in many respects a shadow of what it used to be. It confers a 5+ ward, confers a dice in the magic and dispel rounds. However, it now only has 3 bound spells. A 24" augment that makes every Dwarf unit Immune to Psychology, an augment that increases the save of any 1 Dwarf unit by 1 and a 24" 2d6 S4 magic missile. Gone are the movement shenanigans, which in a way, Dwarfs need. What you do get though, is the loss of a miscast table. Being bound spells, if you cast with IOrresistable force, you lose that spell for the rest of the battle. Although there are some pros to taking the anvil, I personally don't think it's going to make it's way to the table anymore.


Daemonslayer
30 points more. same stats

So, he's increased in price, he's a slayer, but what do you get for that 30 points? You make your opponent reroll their sucessful ward saves that you have hit AND you also cause D3 wounds per wound caused. Now, lets couple that with the slayer stuff. You now always wound on a 4+ if you needed a higher amount, though your strength doesn't increase because of this, so your opponent still takes saves at your base strength. You're unbreakable, have no save and can switch between an additional hand weapon or great axe before at the start of a combat. You also now get Deathblow. When you die you get 1 free attack back. With slayers this may not do much, but with the Daemon slayer, this may help drastically, it's one more chance to cause a wound and make them reroll their ward save and cause the D3 wounds

Although they used to be used as sniper missiles and speed bumps, I'm not sure if you want to do that anymore. Sure, that's still a viable option, but no ward save or save makes the points loss a lot worse now. Maybe in a unit of say 10 slayers, meaning theres more chance to cause nastier damage to your opponents units.

Dwarfs, or a guide on why gun lines lose you friends

So, before I give my thoughts on the Dwarfs, I feel the need to justify my opinion, not to anyone reading this, but to myself. That nagging doubt that nestles at the back of your mind, that tells you you have no idea what you're talking about, that you haven't played enough games in 8th edition, that you haven't played enough with the Dwarfs, but the justification powers that voice in my head that says, shut up clown and get on with it.

So, I started playing the Dwarfs back in hero hammer of 5th edition. It was a year later that 6th edition hit and I started hitting the tournaments and actually doing not too badly with the Dwarfs. Then I ended up moving away from the city world of Auckland and missed the end of 6th and pretty much 7th as well. I came back only a couple of years ago in the midst of 8th edition starting with Dwarfs and soon realizing that what was needed was movement, magic and tactics, something that Dwarfs severely lacked.

So, how am I going to approach this you may ask? Well, firstly, stop asking questions, wait until the end or I'll fong you. So, I'm going to start with some of the special rules that are army wide, the rest of the special rules I'll cover as we come across the units, touching on little things here and there, then I'll finish with the runes, some combinations that may arise as I see them. I'm not doing the fluff or lore. I'll leave that sort of thing to Mr Witek, or Gareth from Bad Dice, they'll do it much more justice than I ever will in written form, and quite honestly, I don't want to write a freaking novel about this, although I'm failing so far at that. So, without further waffling on.....

SPECIAL RULES:

The first rule we see is Ancestral grudge. EVERY unit and hero or lord has this rule. The basis of it is that they hate everything from the Orc and goblins AND skaven book. This used to be green skins only, so the skaven addition is more in line with the fluff. The secondary effect is that at the start of battle just before vanguards, the dwarfs roll D6 (but basically a d3) on a table, as the tweets have indicated, the PMS table, but it means that dwarfs have a 1 in 3 chance of hating every army out there, at worst, your general hates their general, in the grand scheme though, it's disliked by myself. Sure it's a bit gimmicky, but unlike the daemons of chaos bullocks table of randomness, there are no downsides to this table. A nice point that I've already made is that this affects every entry in the dwarf list, warmachine crew and all.

Next is Relentless. This is exactly the same as the last book. You can march within 6" of an enemy unit to model without having to pass a leadership test. Now this is stock standard, but a nice thing to note is that the gyrocopters, all variants have this rule, so you can always fly the 20" of a marching flyer. Especially useful when you vanguard and then March fly to do your bombing run in the first turn.

Third is Natural Resistance. This is +2 to dispel attempts. Although this is the same as before, you'll find that the Dwarfs arent as antimagic as they used to be with the change in Runesmiths and something I'll expand on further on in this series of blogs.

Lastly in this segment you have Resolute and Shieldwall, but there's more rules?! Like I said, I'll touch on these when they become important. Resolute means when you charge you get +1 strength. A little bit meh since one of the biggest weaknesses of the Dwarfs is lack of movement, average charge range is 10", a lot less than a lot of the chargers out there, so although this is nice, I wouldn't be pinning all my hopes on it. Shieldwall however, I see being used a lot. When charged, you increase your parry save by 1, so it's a 5+ ward save in combat, nothing to laugh at, ask any wood elf or daemon player just how nice that ward save is.

An interesting point to make is that you have also lost the -1 to pursue and flee, which means there is now a slightly better chance of getting away and rallying or actually chasing down that unit where before you got to watch those points move away.

Things I've learnt to deal with people at work....

It's a daily struggle to get through the working day. The work itself is fine, like Farah Abraham, it's incredibly easy on the point of being ridiculous. It's the people that I find difficult to deal with.

I know I'm different from most, I dislike office politics a lot. I dislike gossip and talking behind people's backs, I confront situations, I speak my mind and am straight forward and as such, I've learnt some things you just shouldn't say or do....

• The loud woman at work, there's always one, when she ask outloud "what am I doing now?" this is not an invitation for you to actually tell her that she's being loud and obnoxious and asking questions outloud to gain attention and therefore recognition for being there, the only sort of recognition she's due anytime soon. Nor is it a good time to tell her she's slowly, second by seond, moving towards her death, and that the cold claw of death is coming for her. This is definately not to be followed up by yelling loudly to scare her, popping a balloon to scare her, or putting a cold hand on her should when shes not looking

• When someone asks if you think they're fat, this is not an opportunity to advise of a good midwife you know, nor should you advise that they should stay away from fish for fear they might break those sort of scales as well. This is also not a good time to start talking about how you find the merging of calves and ankles humourous when the names are merged just as much to produce the name cankles.

• When someone tells you something, this could quite easily be something devised by the empire so you can later perform your best Admiral Ackbar impersonation. It's this sort of thing that can easily drag you into office politics or gossiping later. Best idea in this situation is to look like your listening attentively while screaming a song in your head. You should also practise this so you don't have a glazed look come over your eyes, the only thing that should come over your eyes is me.

These are just a few small pointers to help you navigate the murky waters of work encounters....of course, they're my opinion and therefore right. Follow them, You'll not survive otherwise

MK

 

 

Board games to the face.

So, time to review some board games because, I'm into board games at the moment and so by association of you reading the bullshit that spills out of my mouth like an unfertilized egg from a womb, you should be into board games as well. This is an interesting word play as it has been almost a month since I last updated, and so therefore the imagery of a female monthly cycle almost fits, aside from the fact that this blog won't have cramps, moan a lot or rip your face off at the slightest provocation (this is not to say it won't rip off your face for another reason though and if you like I can send someone over to your place to rip your face off, just write your request on a twenty dollar note and send it in to me)

So first up on the chopping block:

King of Tokyo

The basis of the game is you're a huge monster who is interested in being the best moster in Tokyo. It's a dice rolling game where you're trying to get the same sort of dice rolls to perform actions to either win by victory points (this is the long way) or by smashing your large phallus into another players monsters face (The more preferred way to win the game)

It's a simple game to pick up and play and one of the filler style games. Maybe the playability is a little lackluster but as a filler game it's good to take a break from some monster game like Game of Thrones or Runebound.

A solid 8 out of 10

The Resistance Avalon

You lie. You lie through your teeth, throw false accusations across the table that said player just ate your pet parrot and is therefore someone not to trust. This is a game of logically thinking of who is on your side and who isn't.

This is almost a follow on from the game The Resistance, but with some added elements in it makes the game completely different. The basis is you are a group of people trying to overthrow the bad guys, a resistance as such (see how that worked? If you didn't, fuck you) The resistance are setting off on a series of missions and if you have suceeded at a good number of missions you will have overthrown the evil government and saved the populace who just dont care what the hell you're doing. The people that do care, is the evil government who have sent some infiltrators in your group who will try their best to sabotage your efforts. None of the "good guys" knows who these spies are. The lying starts.

I must admit, I really enjoy this game. It's a social style game and there is very much an element of subterfuge and interaction that is paramount to the play of this game, and I'm fucking awesome at that shit. I'm a little hesitant to teach my kids how to lie to my face...

9 out of 10

Dungeon Petz

So, ever wanted to control gremlins and raise some monsters?

Strangely enough, me neither. However, someone wanted to. This is the Fantasy world version of My Little Pet shop. There was places you could sell your petz, or display them and you get points and so on.

It's a worker placement game where you place down your gremlins to go and do stuff. I'll be honest, although I played the game and did stuff I can't get past the point that it was only okay. It didn't grip my attention at all. Though the displays and sellers can change here and there, it's the same series of actions and motions every turn.

a 4 out of 10

So, this will be another subject I'm going to touch on like a catholic Priest with his altar boy and if you didn't like that, you're obviously the boy.

Inside my skull is so fucking weird I should charge tickets for these insights...

There's a lot of things going on inside my head right, ehll, my close friends don't even know the internal struggle and conflicts that go on in my mind, the strange ideas and places I go to that seem so natural and yet, if I try to explain them, the words seem lost and I find myself sounding like some strange ass who is one tiny little step from crossing that line where on the other side I get my own lovely sweater which has the accesories to tie my arms at the back.

One thing that has amazed me today, is the definition of being social and the way people perceive a situation when confronted with it. Today I came into work, plugged in the iPad and turned my music on. Normally I won't do this until later in the day, but because of circumstances involving a specialist cracking my son's little finger making it sound like a Jew had just been married. He screamed, I hated myself for having to hold him down. As such though, I had had to leave work early on friday, like a whole 5 hours early and I had a bit of work to get through before they gave me more work (supposedly they've just realised how fucking awesome I am at doing my job they give me twice as much as most people anyways and fuck it if I'm not there, I'm getting either way!) So I needed to knuckle down and get rid of this shit faster than a bag of cocaine in Charlie Sheen's hands!

Yeah, Win this mofo!

Now, as people came into work (I start super early to do a specific job which has to be done for 6:45am, so naturally I'm first in) I was sitting there headphones and working away trying to get rid of the crap piling my work area, however, what they saw was I was locked away from them and was in a grumpy mood. It's the perception that I was grumpy which amuses me and made me realise just how social we are. Sure we have facebook and emails and texting, but all that's done for many of us is thirst for some sort of physical part of social interactions, hell, I'm to blame as well as I type a blog that just won't be read by anyone and quite frankly I also don't care but to me it's a way to interact socially. We have dozens of ways we can interact with each other but that physical aspect is ingrained in us so deeply that its that facety of social behaviour we crave the most, so much so that because I was working hard and was in my own little world, there are now a few people at my work place who think I'm angry with them that they aren't speaking to me now. That to me just shows they aren't the sort of people I would associate with. Their logic is so screwed its like Salvador Dali came along and shoved his creative juices into their senses, (by this I mean he face raped them like a face hugge from alien movies.) At what point did they think that if someone is angry with you, you should therefore STOP talking to them? That makes me angry, hell, angrier if I'm already angry with them?

Your logic hurts my head so badly!.....fuck it, I'm going Hulk on your face!

It's this kind of office politics that I just can't be bothered being involved in. Sure, I get dragged into it now and then, then I pull back from it all, realising just how stupid it all is.

What else is going on in my skull? I've recently started coaching a netball team. This probably isnt something normal for a heterosexual male. Netball is seen as a woman's game, but then, I coach basketball as well and I've played netball, I know how the ball is supposed to move, how the players should be moving, so at least running the girls on the day is easy, breaking the whole thing down to show the girls, not so much. But what's really going on? The fact I'm so protective of them. They're not my daughters, but in some way I think of them as MY girls. I stood up to the ex-coach AND the chairperson of the club for thse girls for the same reasoning, that they're my girls, and I'm to look after them.

I need to work out where this subtle shift in my thinking has come from. Like I said, I coach boys basketball, am I the same for them? Well, I suppose I am since I stay afterwards to make sure the kids are collected and nothing happens to them. I'm going to have to mull this shit over another time.

So, what else have I got on the cards? Well, got a painting I'm quarter of the way through, just need to finish off the base colouring and then start working in the shading, basically a dark brown mixed with the red-brown base then the dak brown then a bright red for the polar side of the darkparts then a straight black for shade and outline. I've also finished one unit of brettonians for the Cityguard club. I'm aiming to have it donw by the end of the year, then can hand it straight back to the club. I've also got a team together for Dreadball sitting on my table which I need to finish cleaning off the mold lines, then I can slap some paint on them, I'm going for a base colour, then a colour for the lights or under lighting and another colour to offset the other colours. I'm thinking a blue for the lights and a dark green for the offset colour and just a plain bone for the main colour.

otherwise, that's it. Holidays next week so I'm going to be able to do a lot of painting. For now, I'm off to fuck people off at work some more by doing NOTHING!

Say hi to your mum for me!

Further unsound takes on warmachine or the post formerly known as forcefield to face....

So, carrying on from one of my previous posts about Warmachine, the other force I'm looking at building is called the Retribution Scyrah.

Page 72 of the Kama Sutra, commonaly known as the Pretzel

I love how some sites or blogs start off trying to explain to the reader just who the Retribution is, quoting word for word the book. Odds are, the reason you found this post is because you either know me, or know of the game Warmachine. The funniest start I've seen is "What IS the Retribution of Scyrah?" My answer: Fucking awesome, because if they were etarded I wouldn't be fucking playing them? That's what they are. Awesome.

However, for those few who don't quite know Warmachine (shame on you!) The Retribution are the elves of the Warmachine. Pointy eared, lithe, graceful and adept with ranged weapons. Got the image of Legolas in your head. Great! Now incase him in some space like armour with plates. Oh, and a forcefield that protects them from harm. Oh right, and they don't really use bows, they have guns, and those that do have bows have the Rambo version which can blow up an army issue black ops helicopter by shooting it in the balls. And don't forget that theyre backed up by giant robots with bigger guns and massive forcefields and look like a sadist's wet dreams.



Talking of Sadists....

Oh, and then there are those that aren't armed with some sort of shooting device but instead have these huge gauntlets which allow them to move things and people around with the POWER OF THE FUCKING FORCE!!!!

So, who am I'm deciding on to lead these warriors of awesome? Adeptis Rahn

See those huge gloves of fuck-off-ness? That's what the boys who use the force have. Not only are they a great fashion accessory, but they allow you to use the force.....and completely demoralise your opponent when you donkey punch him. Those gauntlets should be standard issue to border patrol and drug officers from law enforcement, because after word gets out that body cavity searches are performed with those, there's no fucking way anyone will hide drugs up their asses! except for gay men.

He leads a force of jedi initiates, referred to as mittens because of the oversized gloves

Please use gauntlets with caution, may cause uncontrollable orgasms in gay men on sight...

These mofos use the force in small amounts allowing me to move the wanker I've just smashed in the face.....at distance?! And what does my boy Rahn do for these bad boys? He makes their force punches stronger?!

Now, back this bad boy up with one of the jedi knights:

and fuck your light side and dark side of the force, there is just straight up force, in your face, just how you like it.


Now, as per usual, you need a backup caster. For this I've decided on Lord Arcanist Ossyan. A caster who's intricate workings with the magics of the world and underlying scientific ability have allowed him to distort time and space.

That's right, this mofo is a living fucking TARDIS?!

He created a gun that basically causes a rift in space, causing objects for a small amount of time to be sucked closer to it. This mofo:

Has been nicknamed the time lord of Scyrah! Now I've got a big boner for Doctor Who and this sort of shit is a seller to me. I will eat this shit up and love it. Goodbye credit card, you will be dead after I'm done buying all the shit I want!

Some more people bring me close to breaking my "Not-killed-anyone" record....

The way society acts sometimes makes me want to weep for the future of humanities existence, that is, if weeping weren't such a girly thing to do and I'm so manly, the only time I get close to weeping is when my nuts get squashed by a passing tractor, which happens more than you would think, (because of their large size, ask your girlfriend to describe them, or NASA, since they're one of the many things able to be seen from space)

Some people are complete wankers when it comes to interaction on the interwebz. They believe it a shield of some sort, completely impenetrable, and in some cases, this can be true, hidden identities or with held names, but lately there's been a flood of memes and parodies pretty much making fun of black people and what they say in a particular interview.

A classic (it's the wrong word to use, since classic brings to my mind something good and something that people will want to listen to over and over again, unlike these less than stellar concoctions) was Antoine Dodson:

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife.... Because of this, a new age dawned of making fun of events where people have been interviewed, more typically, black people.

Now, don't get me wrong, Antoine Dodson saved his younger sister from an intruder in her bed, but he began a horrible trend of 'hilarious black people' like Sweet Brown:

The woman was escaping from her burning apartment. Yes, some of what she says and the way she says it is funny, but for fucks sake, the viral rap song about her "hilarious" interview has overshadowed the fact that she barely escaped with her life?!

And the latest "sensation"? Charles Harris. A man who helped rescue three woman who had been held captive for a decade. His video has become so viral, that in many cases people don't even know the heroic actions this man has undertaken:

 

The sad thing is how his so called comical performance is starting to overshadow his heroic act.

The one common and sad factor in this is the trend that these troubled individuals seem to be representatives of the working class people of America and that there seems to be an underlying tone that people just want to see these black under class people perform.

People make me sick sometimes....

MK

My unsound take on warmachine....

Perhaps you've read my post about my disillusioned state with Games Workshops Warhammer fantasy game? No, perhaps you're an uneducated douche?

I'm not stating that to be educated you needed to have read my posts, not at all, what I'm saying is that you're a douche if you haven't. I'm not going to link the post here, in fact, fuck you, sit in ignorance like your family before you and take the blankets and beads you're offered and realise just how stupid that move was. Fuck your stupid treaty, you're pissing the assets away anyway.

So, I'm disillusioned with a game and like any good addict, I've got a new drug, or in this case, more in mind. However, so I don't become disenchanted with them by the time I've written this post, I'm going to only touch on one of them for now. Warmachine and Hordes, or as the general populace of geekdom call it, Warmahordes. Actually, what I'm going to touch on is my choices of armies to play for this game because this is my blog and therefore, I am the centre of this universe.

So, I've got 2 armies in mind. First up (and the one I'm covering in this post) is:

Skorne

So what I like about Skorne is the whole feel of the army. The slow methodical thought process behind it. Of huge beast like tanks plodding forward and not stopping for anything. But in this is the secret of their game. You can play like this, slow and methodical and yeah, you will get outmaneuvered, but there is a lot of synergy within the army itself that allows for this slow methodical grinding machine to suddenly haul balls to you like a scene from Limitless, placing a well honed penis in the asses of your opponents. (This scene was in Limitless, it's on the "Director's Cut" or as he puts it, personal home movie.)

And the models reflect this kind of mental imagery. You think of slow methodical tank like animals and you get what they call the Titans. A race of massive creatures, a lot like our own elephants, if our elephants could walk on 2 legs and look like a wrestler who's amping on steroids......which admittedly is just a wrestler...

And then as these behemoths grow in size they become like a large gorilla, no, not hanging off the side of the empire state building swatting at airplanes, but a large male gorilla seen in the mists raping small reporters who have been lulled into thinking it's safe to be in the mist with them. So these huge Titans, already a reckoning become a Bronzeback. A large wall of fury and hate, looking like Mr T but with better avenues of continuing a supposed acting career.

The imagery of some sort of monolithic juggernaught bearing down on you, tusks ready to skerwer you and backed by those huge freaking arms, and it's hard to see from this angle, but they have SIX of them?! So what sort of person can control this sort of creature? Som strong willed charismatic being who charms his way through life? No.

Meet the Paingivers.

These sadistic bastards are like an ex-wife. They love nothing more than whipping at their beasts, driving them further and further foward through their whips and torture devices. outside of the battle field their purpose is to break beasts, to make them willing and obediant servants. Actually, forget ex-wives, these fuckers are like your mother. Except I'm not pimping out these guys. Think about that for a second as your mother scathes you with her viciosly barbed words, I'm getting other guys to fuck her. Feel better? good, you weren't supposed to.

Skorne basically thrive on pain. Sick, twisted masochistic and sadistic wankers who feel the only way to true enlightenment is through pain. Basically the thought process behind cutters and suiciders worldwide. I like this, it appeals to me in a sick way. I'm all about being sick, like that time I vomited on a dead horse to warm it up before getting my cock into it.


So, the emphasis behind Warmahordes is the caster. Each caster is different in their own respects and changing casters can in fact change the entire way your army works. To mitigate the rock paper scissors style of gaming that can occur, at most tournaments you write 2 lists and can choose which list to play. Having said that, I've chosen my 2 casters.

This is what your Mum sees late at night when I'm with her, big beatsticks in hand

Meet Tyrant Xerxis. He likes hugs, long walks on the beach, sunsets and absolutely smashing your face in with his beat sticks. His play style is basically, move forward, take hits, shrug them off and smash you. In the face, which is where he has now placed your genitals. You are now a dick face.

He plays with a few warbeasts, and ensures his units and squads are able to work autonomously while he marches forward to go hit someone. He has anger issues. He's dealing with them in his own way. His style of play is one of attrition and slaughter. Kill more of them while soaking up enough damage from them to still be operational.

My counter point to Xerxis is the above. Hexeris. He looks to be more of a warbeast heavy style of play where I can get multiple threats going and hit an assassination run (if the caster is killed, that person loses) He plays completely differently to Xerxis, enough that he may even be able to mitigate some of the weaknesses of him.

So, that's what I'm looking at running. Fun huh?

MK

...he has control?!

Now, for anyone who has read any of my previous posts, the assumption is is that I'm the sort of person who has no problem speaking my mind, in fact, the problem would be actually stopping me from speaking my mind on some occasions. I am opinionated and I have no problems voicing these opinions. But there are occasions when even I fall silent, where what I truly want o say freezes in my throat. That happened tonight.

So the scene, more realistic then shorthand street or any other crappy mind shitted drama. I was catching up with a friend. In my younger days, or even those people who are emotionally uneducated,  would have called it a date, I'm older now, I'm more mature now, I now a situation for what it was and this was just a catchup.

However, at one point we were heading towards an eatery and she stated how excited and nervous she was going to this place as it was what she termed "naughty food" I mentally disagreed with this statement as the thought of a burger fucking me in the mouth wasn't completely a happy thought I said outloud how I was nervous coming to hang out with her. She asked why and I choked.

Now we've discussed this before, this friend and I, about past feelings and so forth. I had a crush on her when we were younger and still do now, but I'm an adult now, I can control such urges and so forth, and being an adult sucks old hairy man balls. That's why I was nervous, because I still want to prove things to her, that although I have a rough side I'm still likable, that in some way I'm still a viable choice, but ultimately this is the biggest lie. There was a brief moment when I may have been a  viable choice, but looking back now I see how truly broken I was back then.

I don't even understand how I became that way. It was a decade of brokenness and shattering of dreams and realities that until the last few years I managed to crawl out of. And so now, with this friend I have one of the moments where I kind of wish I had said something. A moment of regret in a way. Logically of course it would have been a bad idea, because the awkwardness it would have caused would have ruined the rest of the night, so in a way, I'm also relieved I managed to contain my inner voice for once.

So, many will try to read between the lines of what I'm saying and quite frankly, that's fucking annoying, stop it. The main context of this post is this: Even if you love someone there is nothing wrong in my opinion to like someone else. It's the enactment upon those feelings that are the downfall. I didnt act. I'm fucking awesome. You all think so as well.

Fuck adulthood and maturity sometimes.

MK

And now for something completely different...

I've been playing Warhammer on and off now for around 15 years. Who knew on that fateful day when my friend Lumpy invited me along to his friends house to "play a simple little game" that he was going to introduce to me the gamers style of crack in the form of warhammer. I swear, I should have melted those god damn models down right there on the spot and made like a Disney kid star and snorted that shit up then and there and gotten it over and done with.




What every little girl should aspire to. Crack whore



But no, that option wasn't available to me at the time, something about the simple fact that they weren't my models and supposedly ownership means something here, (just ask the maoris about water) and so it was that I was drawn into the drug of Warhammer and ultimately miniature wargames.

Now, I'll admit, I've never actually chosen an army to play. When I first started playing, I think it was 5th edition I orginally chose Orcs and Goblins. I mostly chose it because the boys had the book and it meant that my broke student ass didn't have to fork out for something. The orcs and goblins lasted about a year. By the end of that year I was throughly sick of animosity and low leadership which had become a recurring theme in my games. I suddenly felt like Gilligan. Stuck on an island and the closest action I was getting was from the fat captain. I wanted off that fucking island!

So it was that I dropped them and not so broke I picked up the next book the boys had and some miniatures for. Dwarfs. Now some people will point out just how terrible a move this was. If Warhammer was a mix of drugs, where the most intoxicating armies are the worst of a drug style world, Dwarfs would be counted around a light shandy area. Dwarfs are the non-alcoholic beer of the drug world of warhammer. But, and this is the important part, we already had the book and enough models to field two thousand points of forces. All it needed was painting.

Now, this is the shit that drags me in everytime. Painting. I'm full of myself, granted, I love what I do and how I do it and painting and art, that's what I'm so fucking great at I could rub my balls against a canvas and create a master piece. So when I heard something needed painting, like a fucking masochistic Austrian I proceeded to gather my equipment and see what sort of crap I could pull out of my awesomeness which if anyone knows me, is my penis.

And so I started painting. Then a new edition came out and so I purchased the new book. 3 years later I had managed to quadruple the size of the dwarf army along with the help of my friend Blom who was also addicted to this shit and was snorting it all up like it was going out of fashion and there was nothing better todo then make like a red headed actress.



Living the dream

I started playing dwarfs and became quite good at it to the point I started a horde style army before hordes were even known, proving that I was so great that even designers of games I played wanted to be like me. But the kicker is, I never wanted to actually play them. They were there. They were easy, like your Mum, but they weren't what I desired to use, again, like your Mum. It was the painting that did it for me and so I finished them off, stepped away, placed them on a shelf to gather the dust while I flipped the bird and proceeded to go find another army to rape.

That's when my friend Blom kicked in. Like I said, he was like a drug addict in a pharmacy and a doctor had signed a whole script book for him. By the time I had completed the dwarf army he had amassed enough models to field a sizeable Wood Elf army. Don't fucking roll your eyes at me! Beggars can't be choosers. If I was desperate enough to beg and live on the streets, if some asshole with a fake toupe came and asked me to suck his cock in the street for a dollar, well, I'd be gobbling on that wankers cock faster than he could say, "You're fired!"



No no no! Use your teeth more when you're bobbing on my man meat!



So, I started painting the Woodies. It took a year on and off because I have this whole life thing that keeps getting in the way of things and during that year I took the woodies to a tournament or two and played with them as regularly as I could. I found that after the first few games, that what I should do is bend forward and touch my toes after applying lube to my rear exit. It makes the shafting just so much easier.

And so, I have become disillusioned with Warhammer as a game. Look past the huge price rise within the southern hemisphere. Look past Games Workshop trying to completely monopolize miniature wargaming and failing. It's the static fundamentals of the game that just seem to completely make me flaccid.

Warhammer to me has always been explained as a number of forces gather armies and vie for position upon a board and try to outnumber key elements and capture the board itself. That's how I've always envisioned it.



 

I've had arguments with people before about the so called great tactics of the Warhammer game. They explain chaff. I then advise the way to beat Chaff is with shooting or other chaff. The game then breaks down into this stupid idea of small scouting forces baiting each other. This makes my above vision not only wrong but completely irrelevant. Perhaps it's the so called meta of NZ, with the sudden inclusion of so much chaff.

They then state the movement tactics, I then state that movement is fine, I have a movement army and if I really wanted to, I could NOT engage in any sort of combat for the entire game. I could continue to bait and weave and shoot at my foes. I'm not going to win. I may be able to pull out a draw and my opponent is going to look at me and stab me in his mind. That shit hurts. Movement doesn't really account for shit, especially since all movement will really do for you is make you look like a prick and eventually you will have to charge. This is the real problem. All the units that can have this great movement ability, that can dance and weave, are about as strong as wet paper bag.

Then there is what I call the Auto Includes. Certain armies have them and I dislike them. A level 4 wizard so you can 6 dice roll spells which completely changes the whole meta of the game. I dislike that I feel the need to try to include a level 4 wizard. Fuck your auto includes, it's making my game rubbish for having to add it in.

So, I haven't thrown in the towel of warhammer fantasy as a game, but I dare say the next army I play, which at this point is looking to be Warriors of Chaos, may be my last warhammer army. The crap rule system, the non existent tactics in many cases is just not making the game appealing to me at all. I've been looking at other and better games (This is my opinion and as stated somewhere bfore, should be your opinion)

Anyways, Fuck you warhammer

MK

Some people bring me close to breaking my "Not-killed-anyone" record....

I hate general statements, but this post is making me use one. It's ok, I've come to terms with this by using this blog post as a whore. Not just any whore but a whore who has been brutally slaughtered just minutes before I had my way with her, I've paid my money, I'll get my product bitch! she is also a horse.

Try that disturbing picture. Bestiality AND Necrophilia. It's an amazing scene and should be written down.....but Stephanie Meyers has already shit out that and served it on a silver platter for women everywhere to eat up. Don't get me wrong, the storyline itself was fine (yes, I've read the Twilight series!) but the actually writing, the structure, the vocabulary, was like some alien cockroach being shoved into my brain. Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahn!

So, the statement? Some people in this world suck and are douchebags. (You will fall into this category at some time. I do as well, but I'm so fucking awesome I don't count. You do. Stop being suck! Unless it's my cock you're aiming for)

These people fail at being human, for instance:


NZ Drivers
Another general statement, but screw it, this post is going to be full of them, like I'm full of awesome, and by logic since I spread awesome by jizzing on people, the fact these general statements are coming out is by jizzing on readers....admit it, you like that.

The things that piss me off here is the following too closely. So closely it's like I'm all for fucking gay marriage that the only way you could get further up my ass is with some lube and beware if I brake too quickly or that motherfucker is going to plough the rear of my car like I'm a Thai Lady boy.



Worst hood ornament ever!



Indicators. Use them, they're not optional.

When people assume I'm fucking Charles Xavier and can read their mind, sweeping in the lane in front of me like their popeye arm has suddenly had a spasm from jerking off too much, ensuring that my leg has to knee jerk so I don't rape the back of your car with mine, that annoys me. Don't do that. I will fuck you in the mouth. With my car. Use your indicator, it's not a fancy little lever on the side of your steering wheel, it has more use then as a tool to practise fellatio on.



 

Hey kids, if you jerk off everyday, you can get arms like this too!

 

Impatience. Well done fucker, edging forwards continuously saves you a whole second! You managed to change lanes at the lights and gain another second retard? well done! With all this time you'll be able to do......nothing, because you're a fucking douchebag. Oh, and as for those fuckers who go right to the end of lane that is ending on the motorway because the traffic is going slower then normal? Yeah, asshats, you are the reason traffic is going slower as you try to squeeze into the non-existent gap at the end. People like you probably lie on their tax returns, steal from charities and sleep with their own mothers, who have been dead for 15 years.



 

There are licensing rules for a reason. So that the amount of suck and stupid you spread into the world is minimized. Maybe if we start removing safety labels Darwin's laws can kick in and futire generations can be saved from such absurdities as yourself. Better yet, go pick yourself up a Dodge Ram 1500 which has had the worst assessments for side, rear and front impact crashes and a high rolling rate. It's a lot like your girlfriend who gets a lot of rear impacts from me as I roll her over to a more pleasing position, one where I can't see her face.

Fuck your stupid driving

MK

....Yeah, I've been screwed on more than one occasion...and not just by your Mum

I finished painting another army.

Now, you'd be correct in thinking it looks like pure awesome, but you'd be incorrect in thinking I just shot my jizz all over it. Don't get me wrong, the miniatures look awesome, but I usually just save shooting my wad all over something for your mum....or if he plays his cards right, your dad. (I'm not for or against gay marriage, and I'm jizzing on YOUR Dad, I'm not the gay one!) Either way, I feel my paint job looks pretty good and along with the display board, it looks freaking awesome, like if some sort of fictional character like doctor who were to try simple but stupid jokes...



And for his next impression, a blow up doll

Aaaaaaanyways, I had some insights, I was going to say interesting but let's be honest, this whole blog is fucking interesting like seeing some sort of virgin looking whore (read high school student) or even a more upper class whore (read college student) at the supermarket, it's the interesting that every guy becomes in any product on that aisle the said whore happens to be on


Hey, Mum & Dad.....you failed at parenting

So, I'm going to break down some sayings that appear alot in the miniature painting world:


Cutting

This isn't what you think. You don't automatically become sad and depressed when entering miniature painting. Actually, in many circles this could be seen as sexual suicide or the equivalent there of, because unless you've managed to fool someone long enough that you've become an integral part of their life like some sort of 2 foot long tapeworm, there is little chance you will find some lovely female who will look at your modelling stuff and not start laughing at you, so maybe starting miniature painting does make you sad and depressed....which explains a lot

Anyways, this is the process of clearing away flash lines and tabs from a model using a cutting device, stanley knife, clippers, modelling saw, my wit and intelligence, a light saber and in some cases, a welding torch. However, it doesn't matter what sort of device you use, you will end up looking like some try hard emo kid as invariably said cutting tool will immediately try to attack any digit it possibly can. It will bleed, and unless you're manly and awesome like me, you will cry. I don't cry, I had my tear ducts removed and inserted into a box, which I have sealed tight. They may or may not still be there....more likely not because that fucking cat was still in there and the bastard has to eat something. (fuck that bastard shrodinger)

Now, it would be cool if you managed to slice your finger off, or made the cut so deep you hit bone, or even had to have stitches, but no, it's the lite version of cut fingers, flesh wounds and superficial cuts. The diet pepsi of wounds. Even paper cuts seem worse than the type of cuts miniature painters get.


yeah, that shit needs to be amputated, preferrably just above the balls. No more reproduction of sad pussies like you

Pinning

Again, the name doesn't seem to refer to what it should be. I say pinning and there are assholes out there that think of pinning naked models to the walls, which seems stupid to me, it's much easier to jizz on their faces on a lower level, say, on the floor, still in the book or stapled to the back of some chicks head who is too ugly to look at......yep, that's why your Grandma rubs the back of her head all the time.

Anyway, this is using a small drill to drill a hole into a miniature so you can insert a metal rod into two pieces and make them less likely to seperate or break. What actually happens is that no matter the thickness of the miniature it will be difficult to start, until you get to past a certain depth, then the drill gets the same idea as a blade when cutting that it smashes it's way through the miniature like an indian curry through your digestive system and homes in on your closest digit.

Whereas cutting, slices the finger, pinning allows the drill to make a small hole in your digit not unlike the black hole that allows Roseanne Barr to continue eating. You then have to reverse the drill before you rip your finger apart like some virgin's hymen on my cock, which causes even more pain. You will cry. Like a pussy.

Yes, I said Roseanne Barr



Superglue activator

This is one of those bullshit products that assholes try to push onto you like some form of STD. Obviously some wankers have bought into the product like some pretentious shithole as it seems to have stayed the initial shiny stage.

Not only is he pretentious, he fucks your grandmother




Superglue activator is supposed to increase the rate that superglue bonds with any given objects. I have a form of this product. It's called my bare flesh. I swear to god, as soon as superglue touches any form of my skin, any other object that touches that spot is instantly bonded and will rip off several layers of skin from one finger during seperation. Some clever cock (not me sadly) took this ripped off flesh and ground it into a fine powder and added water. This shit will keep anything together, yep, add some to your parents marriage.




Happy my ass....

Superglue is the cunt of products in the miniature painting world. The bottle tries to block up, it will more often than not bond your flesh to a miniature or surprise sex your anal cavity like some jail brute. Welcome to prison bitch!

With these pitfalls, it's a wonder anyone survives the miniature painting business.....but fuck, I'm a man amongst men, this shit is my everyday

Say hi to your Dad for me

MK